I was recently surprised to learn that surprised is a nemesis for many writers. It appears with a surprising frequency in surprisingly many WIPs.

No worries: The Surprise EMTs are en route.

Emotion Beats and Physical Manifestations

Rather than say characters are surprised, you could show their emotional state with beats like the following.

• blinking
• breathless voice
• clutching one’s chest with one or both hands
• covering one’s ears with hands
• feeble voice
• gaping jaw
• hiding one’s face with hands or hair
• legs that tremble
• pressing a hand against one’s chest, with fingers splayed wide
• pressing fingers against one’s gaping mouth
• quick flash of a frown on one’s face
• quickly elevating one’s eyebrows and accompanying them with protuberant “flashbulb” eyes
• raised and curved brows
• raising one’s chin
• raising one’s eyebrows
• shaky voice
• sudden audible inhalation through one’s mouth
• touching one’s face or lips with fingers
• widening one’s eyes so much that the whites show
• wrinkles across the forehead

To find more examples, search Google Images for body language surprised, or consult a body language dictionary.

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Dialogue

Can you see the surprise in the paragraphs below?

“I swear, Marvin’s jaw dropped two feet when he heard Lucy was coming back to town.”

“When I came around the corner and spotted the cougar, I thought I was hallucinating. A cougar in LA?”

“Who could have known that a brand new tire would blow up the first time I took the car out? Wow! That’s all I can say. Wow.”

“You gotta be kidding. How do you expect me to cram all these suitcases into the trunk?”

“Ow! That’s hot.”

“Why are you calling me at 2 a.m.?”

“Mother! Is that your luggage? I thought you were overseas.”

Texts

When people are surprised, they tend to use shortcuts in texts — avoiding numbers, symbols, and punctuation. Here are a few that might suit your WIP.

AYS (are you serious?)

FAB (fabulous)

FCOL (for crying out loud)

HFAC (holy flipping animal crackers)

IDBI (I don’t believe it)

LTNS (long time no see)

OB (oh brother)

OMG (omigosh)

OMGYGTBK (omigosh you got to be kidding)

SMHID (scratching my head in disbelief)

SU (shut up [an expression of incredulity])

TGTBT (too good to be true)

TMTH (too much to handle)

UGTBK (you’ve got to be kidding)

WWNC (will wonders never cease)

YGTBKM (you’ve got to be kidding me)

YWHOL (yelling woo hoo out loud)

Social Media

The internet is swarming with an ever-changing glut of social media outlets, all with their own lingo and abbreviations. Learn the vernacular if you introduce one of these sites to your narrative — or invent a new social network.

Who knows, your creativity could catch the notice of a tech guru and result in the launch of yet another way for people to spend their time. Good? Bad? Depends on your point of view.

Adjectives and Adjectival Phrases

Consider intensity of emotion when replacing surprised. An awestruck character feels more intensely than one who is startled.

A to G
agape, aghast, agog, amazed, astonished, astounded, awed, awestruck, blown away, boggled, bowled over, bug-eyed, confounded, dazed, dumbfounded, filled with awe, filled with wonder, flabbergasted, floored, gobsmacked

H to W
horror-struck, incredulous, jolted, openmouthed, overcome, overwhelmed, shaken, shell-shocked, shocked, speechless, staggered, startled, stunned, stupefied, taken aback, thunderstruck, unnerved, wide-eyed, wonderstruck, wordless

Similes and Metaphors

A character’s state of surprise could be compared to, contrasted with, or portrayed as:

• [amazing, rare, uncommon] as an honest politician
• dazed as a frog about to be swallowed by a snake
• like a bat blinded by the sun
• like a deer mesmerized by headlights
• like a kid who receives a computer instead of a baseball mitt as a birthday present
• like a shark chomping on a leg and discovering it’s covered by chainmail
• like an infant’s first glimpse of the world outside its mother’s body
• like the taste of coffee when one expects tea
• unexpected as a rare steak when a character orders it well-done
• unexpected as snow in [a summer month]
• unusual as [booze at an AA meeting, rain in the Sahara Desert]

The Versatility of Verbs and Phrasal Verbs

In your determination to decrease overuse of surprised, you might decide to rely on one of the following, many of which are cliché or idiomatic. Although trite phrases function well in certain types of dialogue, avoid them in serious narrative.

• appear [all of a sudden, out of left field, out of nowhere]
• blindside someone
• blow someone away
• blow someone’s mind
• bowl someone over
• burst in on someone
• bushwhack someone
• catch someone [in the act, napping, off balance, off guard, red-handed, unawares]
• cause someone to [be speechless, do a double-take, jump out of their skin, root to the spot]
• drop a bombshell on someone
• fill someone with [awe, wonder]
• knock someone [for six, down/over with a feather]
• knock someone’s socks off
• knock the stuffing out of someone
• leave someone [aghast, open-mouthed]
• make someone’s jaw drop
• raise someone’s eyebrows
• render someone speechless
• set someone back on their heels
• shake someone up
• stop someone (dead) in their tracks
• strike someone [dumb, with amazement, with awe, with wonder]
• take someone [aback, unawares]
• take someone’s breath away
• throw someone [a curveball, for a loop]

More Verbs and Phrasal Verbs

Instead of surprise as a verb, try one of the following.

A to W
alarm, amaze, astonish, astound, awe, bedazzle, benumb, bewilder, cause [amazement, astonishment, incredulity, shock], confound, daze, dazzle, disturb, dumbfound, electrify, flabbergast, floor, gobsmack, jar, jolt, nonplus, rock, scandalize, shake (up), shell-shock, shock, stagger, startle, stun, stupefy, wow

Nouns

Instead of relying on the noun surprise to refer to a character’s emotional state, you could substitute one of the following words or phrases. Pay attention to connotation and degree of emotion. For example, a hiccup implies different circumstances than a kick in the face.

A to M
amazement, astonishment, awe, bewilderment, body blow, bolt from/out of the blue, bombshell, conversation stopper, curveball, doozy, epiphany, eureka moment, eye-opener, a first, glitch, hiccup, incomprehension, incredulity, jaw dropper, jolt, kick [in the face, up the backside], kicker, manna from heaven, marvel, miracle

O to Z
one for the books, puzzlement, revelation, rude awakening, setback, shock, shocker, source of amazement, spectacle, stunner, stupefaction, thunderbolt, twist, unexpected revelation, unforeseen event, whammy, wonder, wonderment, wrinkle, zinger

Props

Well-chosen props augment a story by sparking new twists or subplots. Would one of the following suit your narrative?

• DNA results that show a character is related to _____
• an empty box of chocolates
• a failing grade on an essay or exam
• firecrackers
• a flat tire
• flowers from an anonymous admirer
• a free upgrade to first-class on an overseas flight
• a “gunshot” that turns out to be [an exploding baked potato, lightning, a vehicle collision]
• a horse that shies at _____
• a “male” dog that has a litter of puppies
• a nest of fire ants
• a one-star review on a book
• a parking ticket
• a pearl in an oyster someone is eating
• a phone call from an ex who hasn’t called the character in years
• a porch pirate who turns out to be [the character’s ex, a homeless person, a raccoon, a raven, a relative]
• a robbery where only [something cheap and/or insignificant] is stolen
• a slip and fall on the ice
• a speeding ticket
• a two-headed chicken
• the turndown of a marriage proposal