Ambiguous Verbs Dilute Writing

Which of these sentences prompts a more powerful image?

He walked to the door.

He plodded to the door.

The second example shows us a character who might be tired, lonely, or depressed. One verb paints a powerful picture.

Some sources insist that writers should show — almost to the exclusion of tell. A frequent consequence of this approach is word bloat. However, well-chosen verbs deliver precise meanings. They invigorate narrative without increasing word count.

Harness Strong Verbs and Their Diverse Nuances

The child was under her guardian’s care.

This statement offers a basic fact but no details that might further the story.

Review the following three revisions. Each one replaces was with a stronger alternative:

The child thrived under her guardian’s care.

This child is healthy. We intuit a caring guardian who probably feeds the girl well and attends to her physical and emotional needs.

The child endured under her guardian’s care.

The second child might be alive in spite of her guardian’s care. Perhaps he abuses her physically or emotionally.

The child subsisted under her guardian’s care.

The third child survives, albeit at a minimal level. Perhaps the guardian doesn’t provide a healthy diet or a clean environment.

Let’s Evaluate Another Scenario

Alyssa walked toward the table while she looked at the grandfather clock next to the china cabinet. The clock chimed midnight. She pulled out her phone and touched the screen. Three hours. Henry had been gone for three hours.

Here, we see a woman who is waiting for Henry. However, we don’t know whether she’s worried or angry. Let’s change the underlined verbs:

Alyssa trudged toward the table while she stared at the grandfather clock next to the china cabinet. The clock chimed midnight. She dragged out her phone and fondled the screen. Three hours. Henry had been gone for three hours.

The strong verbs show an Alyssa who seems worried, perhaps even depressed. She fondles the screen of her phone. Maybe her screensaver is a photo of Henry.

Alyssa stomped toward the table while she glared at the grandfather clock next to the china cabinet. The clock chimed midnight. She jerked out her phone and jabbed the screen. Three hours. Henry had been gone for three hours.

Do you have any doubt that this Alyssa is angry?

A Final Set of Examples

Sparks appeared in the hallway, and smoke blew into the coffee room. Trent went to the fire alarm and pulled the handle. He listened. No sound from the alarm. He moved toward the emergency exit.

In view of the circumstances, Trent seems illogically nonchalant.

Sparks erupted in the hallway, and smoke billowed into the coffee room. Trent raced to the fire alarm and wrenched the handle. He concentrated. No sound from the alarm. He inched toward the emergency exit.

This Trent acts suitably anxious, but he exhibits care while he moves through the smoke toward the emergency exit.

The Cheat Sheet

The following list contains several common verbs, along with suggested alternatives.

appear: emerge, erupt, expand, flash into view, materialize, pop up, solidify, spread out, surface, take shape, unfold, unfurl, unwrap

be: bloom, blossom, endure, exist, flourish, last, live, manage, persevere, persist, prevail, remain, stay, subsist, survive, thrive

begin: activate, commence, create, initiate, launch, originate [Do you need begin, start, or their relatives? Writing is usually stronger without them.]

believe: accept, admit, affirm, conjecture, hope, hypothesize, imagine, postulate, presume, speculate, surmise, suspect, trust

blow: billow, blast, curl, drift, eddy, flow, flutter, fly, gasp, glide, gust, puff, roar, sail, scud, sough, storm, surge, swell, undulate, waft, whirl

break: crush, decimate, demolish, destroy, disintegrate, flatten, fracture, fragment, raze, shatter, smash, snap, splinter, split

bring: bear, carry, cart, drag, draggle, ferry, fetch, forward, haul, heave, heft, lug, relay, schlep, send, shuttle, tow, transport

close: bang shut, bar, block, blockade, bolt, bung, cork, fasten, latch, lock, obstruct, plug, seal, secure, slam, squeeze shut, stopper

come: advance, approach, arrive, draw near, drive, enter, fly, near, proceed, reach, show up, slip in, sneak, travel, turn up

cry: bawl, bellow, bleat, blubber, howl, keen, mewl, moan, snivel, scream, sob, squall, squeal, wail, weep, whimper, whine, yelp

disappear: atomize, crumble, disband, disperse, dissipate, dissolve, evaporate, fade away, fizzle out, melt away, scatter, vaporize

do: accomplish, achieve, attempt, complete, consummate, enact, execute, fulfill, implement, perform, shoulder, undertake

eat: bolt, chomp, consume, devour, dine, gobble, gnaw at, gorge, guzzle, ingest, inhale, munch, nibble, pick at, scarf, wolf down

feel (1): appreciate, bear, encounter, endure, experience, face, tolerate, stand, suffer, suspect, undergo, weather, withstand

feel (2): brush, caress, finger, fondle, grope, knead, manipulate, massage, palpate, pat, paw, poke, press, prod, rub, stroke, tap

get: annex, acquire, appropriate, attain, capture, clear, collect, earn, gain, gather, gross, land, procure, purchase, score, secure, steal, win

give: award, bequeath, bestow, confer, contribute, deliver, donate, grant, lend, offer, present, proffer, turn over, volunteer, vouchsafe

go: abscond, bolt, escape, exit, flee, fly, hightail it, journey, retire, retreat, sally, scram, set out, split, travel, vamoose, withdraw

have: boast, brandish, conserve, control, display, enjoy, flaunt, hoard, husband, keep, maintain, own, possess, preserve, retain

help: abet, aid, alleviate, assist, augment, back, bolster, comfort, encourage, improve, relieve, rescue, sanction, succor, support

hold: capture, clasp, clench, cling, clutch, cuddle, embrace, enfold, envelop, grapple, grasp, grip, hug, pinch, seize, snatch, squeeze

jump: bob, bobble, bounce, bound, caper, cavort, clear, frisk, hop, hurdle, jolt, jounce, leap, leapfrog, rocket, romp, skip, spring, vault

know: appreciate, comprehend, fathom, follow, grasp, identify, perceive, realize, recollect, recognize, register, twig, understand

let: accept, acquiesce, allow, approve, authorize, consent, empower, enable, facilitate, license, okay, permit, sanction, suffer, tolerate

like: admire, adore, adulate, cherish, dote, enjoy, esteem, honor, idolize, relish, respect, revere, savor, treasure, venerate, worship

listen: earwig, concentrate, eavesdrop, focus on, heed, monitor, overhear, pay attention, perk the ears, snoop, spy, take note

look: eye, examine, gape, gawk, gaze, glance, glare, goggle, inspect, ogle, peek, peer, rubberneck, scrutinize, stare, study, survey

move: advance, budge, climb, creep, edge, gallivant, inch, progress, reposition, shift, sidle, slide, slink, slip, slither, stir, tiptoe, travel

occur: arise, befall, betide, chance, coalesce, crop up, crystalize, ensue, eventuate, manifest, supervene, surface, transpire

pull: drag, draw, extract, haul, jerk, lug, mine, pluck, schlep, seize, snatch, tow, trawl, troll, tug, tweak, twist, withdraw, wrench, yank

put: arrange, deposit, drop, dump, lay, leave, lodge, organize, park, place, plant, plonk, plunk, position, push, release, stash, wedge

run: bolt, charge, dart, dash, gallop, hurtle, jog, lope, race, rush, scamper, scurry, scoot, shoot, speed, sprint, tear, trot, zip, zoom

see: detect, differentiate, discover, distinguish, glimpse, identify, notice, observe, perceive, recognize, sight, spot, view, witness

shake: agitate, churn, convulse, jiggle, joggle, jostle, judder, quake, quiver, rock, seethe, shudder, sway, tremble, vibrate, wobble

sit: alight, collapse into, drop into, fall into, flop, hang, loll, lounge, park, perch, recline, rest, roost, settle, slump into, sprawl, straddle

smile: beam, brighten, dimple, flash the teeth, glow, grin, leer, light up, radiate delight, simper, smirk, sneer, snigger, sparkle, twinkle

speak: articulate, chat, chatter, converse, enunciate, gossip, mumble, murmur, natter, orate, parley, proclaim, verbalize, vocalize, whisper

stand (1): abide, bear, brook, countenance, endure, live through, suffer through, stomach, survive, tolerate, undergo, weather

stand (2): arise, bob up, get to one’s feet, get up, jump out of one’s seat, jump up, leap up, push out of one’s seat, rise, rise up, spring up

stand (3): peacock, pose, position oneself, posture, seesaw, shift from foot to foot, strike a pose, sway, teeter, teeter-totter, wobble

take: carry, cart, conduct, convey, deliver, escort, ferry, guide, marshal, shepherd, shoulder, steer, tote, transfer, transport, usher

talk: argue, blather, burble, confer, converse, debate, deliberate, discuss, lecture, maunder, prate, splutter, sputter, stammer, stutter

tell: announce, apprise, assert, avow, chronicle, claim, declare, describe, disclose, divulge, maintain, narrate, proclaim, report, reveal

think: conceive, concoct, contemplate, deliberate, dream, envisage, imagine, invent, meditate, muse, ponder, reflect, visualize, weigh

touch: caress, elbow, finger, fondle, graze, handle, jab, jostle, manhandle, mess, pat, scrape, scratch, shove, stroke, tap, tousle

turn: circle, gyrate, gyre, pirouette, pivot, reel, revolve, rotate, spin, spiral, swivel, twirl, twist, twizzle, wheel, whip around, whirl

understand: absorb, believe, cognize, comprehend, conclude, decipher, fathom, grasp, interpret, make out, make sense of, unravel

use: apply, channel, deploy, employ, establish, exercise, exploit, harness, maneuver, manipulate, practice, ply, utilize, wield

walk: amble, dance, drift, march, meander, parade, patrol, plod, promenade, saunter, slog, stomp, stroll, trek, tromp, trudge, wander

watch: eyeball, follow, guard, inspect, observe, police, protect, safeguard, scan, scrutinize, stalk, study, surveil, survey, track, view

work: aspire, drudge, endeavor, exert oneself, fight, grind, labor, slog, skivvy, strain, strive, struggle, sweat, toil, travail, wrestle

Ready for a Few Verb Aerobics?

Replace the underlined words with stronger choices.

Exercise 1

With a scowl on her face, Endora put her arms across her chest and looked at Samantha. “You haven’t looked like that since your father won the Mr. Universe Pageant two centuries ago. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing.” Samantha smiled. “Darrin just received a promotion, and we’re going to the Bahamas to celebrate.”

“Goodie. I can babysit while you’re gone.”

“Sorry, Mom. The kids are going with us.”

A thunderclap sounded. The house shook. Endora looked at her daughter. “They’re what?”

Suggested solution

Endora crossed her arms and scowled at Samantha. “You haven’t looked like that since your father won the Mr. Universe Pageant two centuries ago. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing.” Samantha grinned. “Darrin just received a promotion, and we’re going to the Bahamas to celebrate.”

“Goodie. I can babysit while you’re gone.”

“Sorry, Mom. The kids are going with us.”

A thunderclap boomed. The house juddered. Endora glared at her daughter. “They’re what?”

Notes: Put her arms across her chest becomes crossed her arms. Dialogue remains as is to seem realistic, including Samantha’s repetition of going. The short sentences in the final paragraph speed the action and amplify the tension.

Exercise 2

What’s that noise? Angela turned around. She listened.

Maximus appeared in the mist. She moved toward him — close, closer. She touched his arm. He spoke so quietly she couldn’t understand his words.

Puzzled, she looked into his eyes. He looked back with opaque amber orbs.

She shook.

Suggested solution

What’s that noise? Angela whipped around. She concentrated.

Maximus materialized in the mist. She inched toward him — close, closer — and caressed his arm. He mumbled so quietly she couldn’t decipher his words.

Puzzled, she peered into his eyes. He stared back with opaque amber orbs.

She trembled.

Notes: Each verb in the suggested solution was selected from the cheat sheet.

Exercise 3

Timmy put his tooth under his pillow and smiled at Mummy. “When will the Tooth Fairy come?”

She touched his forehead. “Not until you’re asleep. When she hears you snoring, she’ll sneak in. You’ll never see her, because she makes herself invisible.”

He closed his eyes and made a snoring noise.

Mummy touched his hair. “Nuh-uh. She’s too smart to fall for that.”

“Awwww. But I want to see her.”

Suggested solution

Timmy stashed his tooth under his pillow and beamed at Mummy. “When will the Tooth Fairy come?”

She stroked his forehead. “Not until you’re asleep. When she hears you snoring, she’ll sneak in. You’ll never see her, because she makes herself invisible.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and faked a snore.

Mummy tousled his hair. “Nuh-uh. She’s too smart to fall for that.”

“Awwww. But I want to see her.”

Notes: Once again, dialogue is untouched. The replacements are straightforward.