He Said. She Said. They Said.
Said is a convenient word when you need it, and some pundits claim you should never use anything else, ever, to attribute dialogue.
I disagree.
Please don’t get huffy until you read this entire post, especially if you’re a writer who swears on a bushel of Dothraki bells that said is the best way — nay, the only way — to tag conversation.
Repeat any word often enough, and it morphs into an irritation just as obnoxious as a saddle sore on a long ride.
Forget the rules. Invent your own. Whatever engages readers is right.
Consider the Following Micro-Story
An icy draft speared through the living room as John stepped into the house from the wintry blizzard that raged outside. His arms overflowed with packages.
“Please close the door,” Amy said. “It’s freezing in here.”
John said, “Close it yourself!”
Amy said back, in an angry tone, “What did you say?”
“I told you to close it yourself,” he said, in a voice so loud it rattled the windows.
She pressed her lips into a firm white line and said, “You’re the one who pays the heating bill. But I guess you have lots of money. You can afford it.”
He slammed the door closed and said, “If you’d get off your duff and find a job, I wouldn’t have to pay all the bills myself.”
Amy said, “Well, if you hadn’t got me preg —”
“You’re pregnant?” John said. “Why didn’t you say something?”
Try This Instead
An icy draft speared through the living room as John stepped into the house from the wintry blizzard that raged outside. His arms overflowed with packages.
Amy glanced up from the baby booties she was knitting. “Please close the door. It’s freezing in here.”
John glowered. “Close it yourself!”
“What did you say?”
“I told you to close it yourself.” The windows rattled. From the angry volume of his voice? Or the storm?
She pressed her lips into a firm white line. “You’re the one who pays the heating bill. But I guess you have lots of money. You can afford it.”
He slammed the door. “If you’d get off your duff and find a job, I wouldn’t have to pay all the bills myself.”
“Well, if you hadn’t got me preg —”
“You’re pregnant?” John beamed and dropped the packages. “Why didn’t you say something?”
Did You Notice the Changes in the Second Piece?
#1. Two paragraphs have no attribution. With obvious back and forth of dialogue, it’s unnecessary and distracting to tag every snippet of speech
#2. Action beats replace dialogue tags in a few spots.
Amy glanced up
John glowered
She pressed her lips
He slammed the door
John beamed
#3. The knitting of baby booties gives readers a clue about the ending, which comes as an abrupt surprise in the first piece.
#4. One adjective, angry, describes John’s attitude. Yes, it’s a tell, and the pundits who recommend that you should always show might disagree with its use. However, rules are made to be broken. Right?
#5. One narrative statement becomes interrogative. Judicious use of questions can draw readers into prose or poetry.
Reread the pieces to see how much stronger the second example is. Both contain the same number of words.
Now Consider a Third Version
An icy draft speared through the living room as John stepped into the house from the wintry blizzard that raged outside. His arms overflowed with packages.
Amy glanced up from the baby booties she was knitting. “Please close the door. It’s freezing in here.”
John retorted, “Close it yourself!”
“What did you say?”
“I told you to close it yourself,” he snapped. The windows rattled. Perhaps from the angry volume of his voice?
She pressed her lips into a firm white line. “You’re the one who pays the heating bill. But I guess you have lots of money. You can afford it.”
He slammed the door. “If you’d get off your duff and find a job, I wouldn’t have to pay all the bills myself.”
“Well, if you hadn’t got me preg —”
“You’re pregnant?” John beamed and dropped the packages. “Why didn’t you say something?”
The Writer’s Lexicon series
and additional resources on my Facebook page.
Did You Catch the Two Said Alternatives?
Retorted and snapped are so much more effective than said.
But don’t overdo! Like exclamation points, em dashes, and ellipses, excessive use of colorful verbs for dialogue tags irritates readers.
By the way, the third piece contains the same number of words as the first two.
And About That Slamming Door
It’s unnecessary to say someone slams a door closed.
Whenever You Need a Direct Replacement for Said, Refer to This List
Some of these words contravene the show, don’t tell rule.
As always, watch for clichés, and apply these suggestions sparingly. Some, while suitable for children, might not be appropriate for adults.
Words such as neighed or whickered can describe a character’s voice, especially appropriate for someone with a horsey face. Frugal use recommended.
Although many writers show their characters laughing, sighing, sobbing, or breathing speech, I recommend you avoid verbs like these as dialogue tags. Save them for action beats, or substitute body language to show emotions.
Lied or doubted and their ilk can break point of view if not used correctly. Many of these would be suitable for micro fiction where tell is often the norm, because show requires too many words.
A
accused, acknowledged, acquiesced, added, admitted, admonished, advised, advocated, affirmed, agreed, alleged, announced, answered, apologized, applauded, argued, asked, assented, asserted, assured, avowed
B
babbled, badgered, barked, began, begged, bellowed, bellyached, beseeched, bickered, blabbed, blabbered, blathered, bleated, blubbered, blurted, boasted, boomed, bragged, brayed, broke in, bubbled, burst out
C
cajoled, called, carped, cautioned, challenged, charged, chatted, chattered, cheered, chided, chimed in, chirped, chittered, chorused, claimed, clarified, clucked, coached, coaxed, commanded, commented, complained, complimented, conceded, concluded, concurred, confessed, confided, confirmed, congratulated, contended, continued, contradicted, contributed, cooed, corrected, corroborated, counseled, countered, cried, croaked, crowed, cursed
D and E
debated, decided, declared, decreed, deduced, demanded, demurred, denied, described, directed, disagreed, disclosed, disputed, dissented, divulged, doubted, drawled, dribbled, droned, echoed, effused, ejaculated, elucidated, emphasized, encouraged, ended, entreated, exclaimed, explained, exploded, exulted
F to H
finished, fretted, fussed, gibbered, gibed, gloated, granted, greeted, griped, groaned, growled, grunted, grumbled, guaranteed, guessed, gurgled, gushed, harangued, hinted, hissed, hollered, howled, huffed, hypothesized
I to M
imitated, implied, implored, informed, inquired, insisted, interjected, interrupted, intoned, instructed, invited, jabbered, jeered, jested, jibed, joined in, joked, lamented, lectured, lied, lisped, maintained, marveled, mentioned, mimicked, mocked, mumbled, murmured, mused, muttered
N to P
nagged, nattered, neighed, nitpicked, noted, objected, observed, offered, opined, ordered, persisted, persuaded, pestered, piped, pleaded, pled, pledged, pointed out, pondered, praised, prated, prattled, prayed, pressed, proclaimed, professed, promised, proposed, protested, provoked, purred, put in, puzzled
Q and R
quavered, queried, questioned, quipped, quizzed, quoted, raged, ranted, rattled on, reasoned, reassured, rebuked, recalled, reckoned, recommended, recounted, reiterated, rejoined, related, remarked, remembered, reminded, repeated, replied, reported, reprimanded, reproached, reproved, requested, resounded, responded, resumed, retaliated, retorted, revealed, roared
S and T
sang, sassed, screamed, scoffed, scolded, shot, shouted, shrieked, shrilled, slurred, snapped, snarled, sniveled, spat, speculated, spluttered, spoke, squeaked, squealed, stammered, started, stated, stormed, stressed, stuttered, suggested, surmised, swore, tattled, taunted, teased, testified, theorized, threatened, thundered, told, trilled, tutted
U to Y
urged, uttered, verified, volunteered, vowed, wailed, warned, weighed in, went on, wheedled, whickered, whimpered, whined, whinnied, whispered, whooped, wondered, worried, yammered, yawned, yakked, yelled, yelped, yowled
The Writer’s Lexicon series
and additional resources on my Facebook page.
Discover more from KathySteinemann.com: Free Resources for Writers
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
I don’t use dialogue tags. Never. They’re a distraction created by lazy writers. You have to be more careful to make sure the reader knows who’s talking, though.
Gordon, if you can do that and produce a story that seems natural, good going. However, wouldn’t the absolute avoidance of anything, whether it be dialogue tags or adverbs, seem unnatural to readers?
You make some good points. I find ‘said’ annoying when it is a question. It is technically correct, but that is a personal tick. If it is a question and needs a dialogue tag, I used asked. I am also willing to use whispered and shouted. I really do not care what ‘rule’ someone else makes up. But that is the full list of dialogue tags I am willing to use. If only two people are speaking, the reader should be able to tell who is speaking much of the time without being told. If they cannot, a beat will often be good, but you don’t want to turn your character into a jackrabbit by making her bob about too much either. A judicious mix when needed is, in my opinion, the best choice.
I prefer simple: asked, in/enquired, requested, demanded, stated, whispered, mumbled, murmured, muttered, yelled, shouted, explained, and a few others.
However, when writing for kids or creating a humor piece, words such as brayed, cawed, etc., create the perfect image.
I’m somewhere in the middle when it comes to the “said” argument. While the tags “said” and “asked” are generally invisible, they’re also pretty bland at times and not entirely sufficient at getting across the intended tone or inflection of a person’s voice.
People don’t always just “say” things. Sometimes they scream, whisper, mutter, hiss, and so on.
I’m in the middle too, Rhonda. I’m usually not keen on a character “whinnying” dialogue, but in rare cases, it works.
I hope 2022 is treating you well!
Great article! I love the rewritten versions, much improved, and the list is very helpful too. Your advice is solid — not to be completely rigid on “always use said” but not to overdo the alternates.
One additional consideration when using action beats in lieu of dialogue tags, is whether a listener will be able to interpret dialogue as dialogue when the story is read aloud. In your examples above it’s clear, but sometimes a character will say something that could easily be interpreted as narrative rather than dialogue.
I often read novels aloud to my children, and sometimes have to stop and explain who was speaking, or insert dialogue tags myself.
Thanks, Mike. Great tips!