“Rules” Barrage Writers from All Sides

This post dissects a few rules and presents examples of why they might (or might not) be valid.

See also The Master List of So-called “Rules” for Writers.

Rule 1: Do Not Use Semicolons

Kurt Vonnegut said in A Man Without a Country: “First rule: Do not use semicolons. … All they do is show you’ve been to college.”

Then he flaunted a semicolon pages later in the same book: “Those of us who had imagination circuits built can look in someone’s face and see stories there; to everyone else, a face will just be a face.”

He went on to say: “And there, I’ve just used a semicolon, which at the outset I told you never to use. It is to make a point that I did it. The point is: Rules only take us so far, even good rules.”

Maybe the rule should be: Avoid semicolons.

Rule 2: Avoid Present Tense

Present tense jars readers, and although it can make a story seem more immediate, it works best when contrasting with events that happened in the past.

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins and Divergent Series by Veronica Roth are written in present tense. Although I enjoyed the books, I was reminded on every page that I felt uneasy. In Allegiant, the third Divergent book, head-hopping and first-person present tense made it difficult at times to remember whose head I was in.

Present tense seems almost a fad nowadays. Will it die the same death as pet rocks? You’ve never heard of pet rocks? Point proved.

Rule 3: Avoid Adverbs

Mark Twain’s advice: “If you see an adverb, kill it.”

Stephen King’s opinion: “The adverb is not your friend. … Adverbs, like the passive voice, seem to have been created with the timid writer in mind.”

But the works of both writers include occasional adverbs.

Consider The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain:

“Amy chatted happily along …”

“… and then stepped quickly but cautiously …”

And Mile 81 by Stephen King:

“The stone on Carla’s chest was suddenly gone.”

“… and began to pedal slowly toward the end of Murphy Street.”

Conclusion: Adverbs may improve writing if deployed with caution.

Rule 4: Avoid Lengthy Descriptions of Places and Events

Description functions like any other creativity tool. In moderation, it performs well. However, too much detail may engender purple prose and plodding narrative.

Skeptical? Study the following:

Susan stepped into the brightly lit kitchen and tucked a lock of long espresso-brown hair behind one ear. The luscious fragrance of garlic, ground beef, and dill in Alton’s homemade tomato spaghetti sauce wafted into her nostrils, evoking a strong memory of its delicious taste. The bubbling sauce spat a hissing red globule onto the glass cooktop of the stove. Her fingers trailed over the smooth surface of the newly remodeled center island.

“Mmm, smells good,” she murmured as she nibbled on his neck. “By the way, your mom just texted me. She’ll be about an hour late.”

The passage stimulates all five senses — sight, smell, taste, hearing, touch — but is there a reason for so many words? The situation is simple. Susan wants to inform Alton his mom will be an hour late for dinner. He’s making spaghetti. Maybe she can catch him before he boils the water for the pasta. She’s in a hurry. Reducing the flowery prose will speed the narrative:

Susan hurried into the kitchen. “Mmm. That smells delish,” she said, as Alton’s bubbling spaghetti sauce spat a hissing globule onto the stove, “but your mom just texted me. She’ll be an hour late.”

A reduction in words speeds to the crux of the paragraph.

Comprehensive descriptions are critical in fantasy and science fiction. However, a detailed portrayal of a McDonald’s restaurant in a modern-era novel? Not so much.

Conclusion: This rule is practical when employed judiciously.

Rule 5: Avoid Detailed Descriptions of Characters

This dovetails with Rule 4.

Although readers usually don’t need to know about every clothing wrinkle or the brand of a person’s shoes, they require enough description to form a mental picture. That description should occur when characters are introduced, before readers develop their own impressions. Do you want everyone to imagine your six-foot-three blond jock as a medium-height brown-haired man, only to be ambushed by your conflicting description halfway through the story?

Too much description = bloated narrative.

Too little description = confused readers.

Conclusion: Rule 5 is another practical rule if applied wisely.

Rule 6: Show, Don’t Tell

Keep Rules 5 and 6 in mind as you scrutinize the following:

Caileen looked at me, like she was an angry panther ready to pounce. Her face turned red, and her chin jutted so far forward I thought she might lose her balance. “Why didn’t you tell me you were fired?” she demanded.

Readers will know that Caileen is angry, but all the show slows the narrative.

Caileen’s angry eyes flashed. “Why didn’t you tell me you were fired?”

Caileen’s angry eyes represent a classic tell. Paired with a strong show verb, this paragraph reduces the word count to less than one-third.

Conclusion: Show, don’t tell works much of the time. However, when you need to speed the narrative or conserve word count, strategic tells produce excellent results.

Rule 7: Avoid Clichés — Create Original Expressions

This advice is beneficial, with limitations. Your original expressions will sound like clichés if you repeat them ad nauseam. Readers might gloss over a simile such as mad as a wet hen even if it appears multiple times in a book. However, include a memorable phrase like mad as a crocodile late for a frog feast too often, and people will notice it — not in a good way.

Be original, but don’t pat yourself on the back and repeat your clever comparisons multiple times per novel.

Rule 8: Avoid Anything Except Said to Attribute Dialogue

Stephen King advises in On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft: “The best form of dialogue attribution is said, as in he said, she said, Bill said, Monica said.”

Back to his book Mile 81:

“A bunch of teenagers had approached the old deserted house, and when one of them saw the door standing ajar, he’d whispered, ‘Look, it’s open!’ to his buddies.”

“‘Hurry up, Simmons, or we’ll go withoutcha!’ Normie yelled.”

Many sources claim that said is an invisible word. But like any word, if it appears too often it irks readers.

Review this passage:

“You’re too old for this,” James said.

“Too old?” Beatrice said. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well,” he said, “you haven’t run a marathon in years. All you do is sit around all day and watch TV.”

“You jerk,” she said, “you have no idea what I do while you’re at work.”

“Well, tell me then,” James said.

Did the repetition of said annoy you?

Try this instead.

“You’re too old for this,” James said.

“Too old?” Beatrice propped her hands on her hips. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, you haven’t run a marathon in years. All you do is sit around all day and watch TV.”

Her face turned red. “You jerk, you have no idea what I do while you’re at work.”

“Well, tell me then.”

Instead of dialogue tags, most occurrences of said have been eliminated, or replaced by action beats. The interaction between the characters becomes visible and more compelling.

Conclusion: Said, like any word, aggravates if overused.

Rule 9: Do Not Head-Hop

Examine the following passage:

Edwin felt cold. Shivering, he tugged his coat tight and tried to ignore the biting wind. But Aryana felt warm. She loosened her scarf and used it to wipe beads of sweat off her brow.

In the same paragraph, we see the world through both Edwin’s and Aryana’s perceptions. Although this type of narrative (third-person unlimited omniscient) used to be popular, modern writers are advised to stick with one character and report the experiences of others through that character’s eyes.

Let’s rewrite to eliminate head-hopping:

Edwin shivered. He tugged his coat tight and tried to ignore the biting wind as he gazed, astounded, at Aryana — who was loosening her scarf. She even used it to wipe beads of sweat off her brow.

The focal character is now clear, the filter word felt is gone, and events are reported from Edwin’s perspective.

Head-hopping is used successfully by George R. R. Martin in his Game of Thrones series. He confines his head-hopping, otherwise known as point-of-view switches, to separate chapters. Each chapter is chronicled from the POV of one character, and readers are never confused.

Frank Herbert head-hops from paragraph to paragraph in Dune. Although confusing at first, his approach provides an atmosphere that supports the almost mystical quality of his narrative. Unfortunately, the POV switches become clumsy and confusing in subsequent novels of the series.

Conclusion: Head-hopping is best avoided.

Avoid Does Not Mean Eliminate

Writing “rules” are mere guidelines. If you encounter a rule that begins with never, do not, or always, approach it with suspicion. Learn the rules, and decide when you should bend or ignore them.

Remember Vonnegut’s excellent advice: “Rules only take us so far, even good rules.”

See also The Master List of So-called “Rules” for Writers.