Redundancy Quiz #29 for Writers: Can You Score 100%?

What Are Redundancies?

These nuisances are superfluous words or phrases also known as pleonasms. Rather than augment writing, they slow action scenes and increase word count — without adding constructive details.

About The Quiz

This quiz, the twenty-ninth in its series, offers ten sentences containing redundancies, and ten suggested solutions.

They are edited examples from books, news media, television shows, and overheard conversations.

The Answers Are in the Definitions

It’s time to locate and trounce those unnecessary redundancies.

In most cases, you should recognize the superfluous words when you scrutinize the definitions provided with each edit.

And maybe your muse will find story ideas among the changes and suggestions.

Can You Find Every Redundant Word or Phrase?

Ella shook her head up and down.
This was as far as he had ever gone before.
In the coming days and weeks ahead, we’ll have more data.
Try your brand-new pump completely risk-free.
A quick glance revealed at least twenty unmasked people in line.
After rescuing the young toddler, he felt like some kind of a hero.
My driveway is almost 100% clear of ice and snow.
The torchlight flickered in their golden head helmets.
The mechanics understand what their job is.
The children also hoped for doughnuts as well after they finished their chores.

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Suggested Edits

Edit #1:

Ella shook her head up and down nodded.

shake: to move something to and fro or up and down in a quick, jerky manner

Alternate wording: Ella [agreed, capitulated, gave in, said yes, yielded].

This open-ended sentence could result in an interesting story. Did Ella accept a marriage proposal? an indecent proposal? a new job? a raise in her salary? a position on a space mission?

Edit #2:

This was as far as he had ever gone before.

ever: at any time; yet

Alternate wording: This was as far as he had ever [climbed, scuba-dived, traveled, flown, ventured].

Edit #3:

In the coming days and weeks ahead, we’ll have more data.

coming: forthcoming; approaching; due to happen; happening soon

Alternate wording: [Soon, In the (near) future, Eventually] we’ll have more [facts, information, statistics].

If context allows, the sentence could be strengthened by including a specific timeframe.

Edit #4:

Try your brand-new pump completely risk-free.

new: not existing before; just out

risk-free: devoid of risk; riskless

completely: totally; utterly

The original sentence illustrates the hype you’ll see in ads and commercials. If that’s what you’re writing, go for it. Ditto if it represents the dialogue of a salesperson or telemarketer. Otherwise, review hype with a critical eye.

Alternate wording: Try your [cutting-edge power station, revolutionary hovercraft, innovative solar oven] [without obligation to buy, free for thirty days].

Edit #5:

A quick glance revealed at least twenty unmasked people in line.

glance: a quick look; a fleeting look

Alternate wording: A [glimpse of, once-over of, peek at] the line revealed at least twenty [redheads, suspicious characters, dosimetry badges].

Edit #6:

After rescuing the young toddler, he felt like some kind of a hero.

toddler: a young child, usually from one to three years old, who is learning to walk or who has recently learned to walk

hero: someone who is known for great courage

Alternate wording: After [freeing the child from the sex traffickers, saving the toddler’s life, releasing the youngster from the sweatshop], he felt [fulfilled, at peace, invincible, invulnerable].

Edit #7:

My driveway is almost 100% clear of ice and snow.

almost: not entirely

100%: entirely

Using those definitions, the original sentence could be rewritten as: My driveway is not entirely entirely clear of snow and ice. Not pretty, right?

Alternate wording: My [closet, hard drive, marshmallow pool] is [crowded, just about full, overflowing].

Edit #8:

The torchlight flickered in their golden head helmets.

helmet: a hard or protective hat that decorates or protects one’s head

The first time I read the phrase in a book, I thought it was a one-off. Nope. A Google search for “head helmet” produces thousands of results.

Alternate wording: The [LED lights, neon signs, stars] flickered in their [protuberant eyes, raised cellphones, polished armor].

Edit #9:

The mechanics understand what their job is.

Analyze instances of to be verbs: is, was, are, were, will be, etc. You can often reword to create stronger writing.

Alternate wording: The [politicians, engineers, pilots, skippers] understand [spin, multiple sciences, flight dynamics, ocean dynamics].

Edit #10:

The children also hoped for doughnuts as well after they finished their chores.

also: as well; in addition; too

as well: also; in addition; too

Alternate wording: The children [anticipated, expected, hoped for] [candies, goodies, treats] after they finished their chores.

If the children are trapped in an abusive environment, they might [thirst for, yearn for, dream of] [escape, freedom, fresh air, release].

Master List of Redundancy Quizzes for Writers