Reader Gripe #13: Writers, Can You Guess What It Is?

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Reader Gripe #13

This series of articles discusses hurdles that cause reader confusion.

Confusion = gripes = lost readers.

Here’s article #13. Do you see the problem? How would you fix it?

Introduction to Excerpt

Although the following paragraphs mirror a problem I’ve noticed countless times, they aren’t taken from a specific novel.

Excerpt

A blinding flash streaked across the night sky. Meister Sthasrirathbo held one scaly hand over his luminescent eyes. “This is the third such occurrence tonight.”

Honorable Second Wife, Sthlythekthsade, clutched handfuls of the sari wrapped around her slim body, and she balled her fingers into fists. “What do you think they are?”

Sthasrirathbo shrugged. “Perhaps the Supreme Sovereign is testing his new missile system.”

Venerable First Wife, Sythysthtzakahud, gasped through trembling fingers. “No, he must not. He has already killed half the planet with his insanity.”

Sthasrirathbo turned toward her. “You must never speak of him that way. Drones are everywhere, listening, executing insurgents. Or would you rather end up as outcasts, like Tsydulbard and Tsliljmidarn?”

Sthlythekthsade groaned. “No one would wish for such horror and disgrace — banishment to that savage planet, Earth.”

Sythysthtzakahud lowered her gaze to the reptilian appendages that served as her feet. “Somebody must stop him before he kills us all.”

Another flash streaked across the sky.

Sthasrirathbo and Sthlythekthsade shrieked as an Imperator-III drone plummeted toward their window.

Here’s the Problem

Could you pronounce any of the names? Did you remember which names belonged to whom? They’re so similar that they’re easily confused.

Imagine reading an entire novel featuring these characters.

Readers understand that sci-fi and fantasy names will differ from Earth names, but they expect pronounceability.

Which from the following pairs would be more suitable?

Mata or Sthasrirathbo? [Meister]

Freeda or Sythysthtzakahud? [First Wife]

Swanna or Sthlythekthsade? [Second Wife]

Ommi or Tsydulbard? [Outcast #1]

Ovard or Tsliljmidarn? [Outcast #2]

Note the easily-pronounced names starting with letters that help readers identify the characters by their roles.

Here’s a Solution That Incorporates Names From the Previous Section

A blinding flash streaked across the night sky. Meister Mata held one scaly hand over his luminescent eyes. “This is the third such occurrence tonight.”

Honorable Second Wife, Swanna, clutched handfuls of the sari wrapped around her slim body, and she balled her fingers into fists. “What do you think they are?”

Mata shrugged. “Perhaps the Supreme Sovereign is testing his new missile system.”

Venerable First Wife, Freeda, gasped through trembling fingers. “No, he must not. He has already killed half the planet with his insanity.”

Mata turned toward her. “You must never speak of him that way. Drones are everywhere, listening, executing insurgents. Or we could end up as outcasts, like Ommi and Ovard.”

Swanna groaned. “No one would wish for such horror and disgrace — banishment to that savage planet, Earth.”

Freeda lowered her gaze to the reptilian appendages that served as her feet. “Somebody must stop him before he kills us all.”

Another flash streaked across the sky.

Mata and Swanna shrieked as an Imperator-III drone plummeted toward their window.

Takeaways

Names should be more than haphazard inventions. Keep them meaningful and identifiable, especially if they’re more than a couple of syllables.

Avoid similar names such as Martii and Mortii, Monarra and Minerra, etc.

P.S.

If you need help creating names, try Google searches such as:

random name generator for writers

online name generators for characters

generate character names

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16 thoughts on “Reader Gripe #13: Writers, Can You Guess What It Is?”

  1. Thanks for this. I recently wrote a book and realized that the majority of the characters had last names that ended with ‘s’. It’s not that the pronunciation that was hard, but they all sounded alike…Samuels, Daniels, Parsons. I just changed half of them, thank goodness for ‘Find & Replace’

  2. Happy to say, I have your Writer’s Body Lexicon & Descriptions, Overused Words at my left elbow on my writing desk. Both have tags on multiple pages. So helpful!

  3. In his most recent Star Wars books, Timothy Zahn created a race called the Chiss who all have really long names, but they usually use a shortened form of those in communication. So Mithrawnadoo (or whatever) is called Thrawn.

    One series I wrote the alien race were reptilian and all their names started with S’; I’m not sure how confusing that was to people.

    • Shortened versions would work. Timothy Zahn must have realized the conundrum and devised a solution.

      “Sterbo” and “Swallwar” would be different enough to keep characters clear in readers’ minds.

      You’re a prolific writer, PT. I just looked for your series to peek at some of the names but wasn’t sure which books to “look inside.”

      Stay safe!

  4. I’m bad myself at remembering who’s who in a story so I try not to use characters’ names with the same initial letter.

  6. Some of my elves have long names, but are known by pronounceable diminutives. Aspholessaria is known as Asphodel, and Yssalithisandra as Yssa. I think that gets over the problem.

  7. Another gripe – nowadays, participants in dialogue behave as if they have St. Vitus’ Dance – shrugged/ing, leaned/ing, sighed/ing, grasped/ing, rolled/ing eyes, shuffled/ing, ad nauseam.
    Jayne

    • Good point, Jayne. Too many action beats can be distracting, especially if they don’t contribute to a scene. A weeping protagonist at a funeral makes sense, but shrugs and rolling eyes would detract from the emotion.

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