Keith Landry Is Back
And he has decided to poke fun at the writer’s nemesis: “book promotion specialists.” Let’s see what he has to say about these unrelenting and exasperating marketers.
—
One Mission
Wide-eyed, mouth-watering, and riding high on delusion, I had one mission: sell books, get rich, and become famous. Maybe not Oprah-level famous, but famous enough that people stopped pretending not to see my book table at markets.
So, I posted my book cover in one of those Facebook promo groups. It took minutes. Comments started flooding in.
“What inspired you to write such a wonderful novel?”
“Fantastic cover!”
“Have you considered a trailer?”
“What challenges do you face as a writer?”
Followed by: “Please friend me.”
And: “Can we chat?”
Now, wait a second.
Why do I have to friend them? Can’t they send me the request? And if I do it, does that mean I’m giving them a green light? Am I showing interest in their “services”? Whatever those are?
But I do it anyway — especially for the ones who say they’ve become bestsellers and “know the secret.” That word alone lights up the greedy little dreamer inside me. I check their profile: gold-plated banner, five books with titles like Unleash Your Book Beast, and a few blurry selfies at literary festivals that might be stock images.
Friend request sent.
Message arrives.
“Hi Keith, how are you?”
I reply: “Fine. Get to the point — why is a big-time author friending a nobody like me?”
“Because your books fascinate me.”
“Oh? Have you read any of them?”
No response to that. Just: “Have you considered hiring someone to help promote your book? I can give you the name of the person I use.”
That’s when it clicks.
This person isn’t the author. It’s someone using the author’s name, books, photos, and online presence — setting the bait to lure in the hopeful. Then they pivot and say, “I actually work with this amazing team — can I call you to explain?”
Oh yes, that’s the new trend: they want your phone number. Because nothing says professional marketing like jumping from a Facebook message to an awkward phone call with a stranger who swears they can make you a bestseller by Friday.
I reply, “Not interested. Never will be.”
They respond: “Thanks for responding. Looking forward to working with you in the future.”
Either they’re stupid … or they’re using AI. Probably both.
I get four of these a day. I thought those Facebook groups were for authors to find readers. Turns out they’re shark tanks. You dangle your book in the water, and the marketers circle. They don’t even nibble — they bite.
And they come in types.
The “Spiritual Bestseller”
Their posts talk about energy alignment, manifestation, and “unlocking your author potential.” They want to “vibe” with you … by phone.
The “LinkedIn Suit”
Always standing in front of a whiteboard, arms crossed, bio full of marketing lingo. Wants to “scale your brand.” Asks for your number within two DMs.
The “Suspiciously Hot Romance Author”
Says your work has a “strong voice” and “massive potential,” even though they’ve clearly never read a word. Their profile pic is either a stock photo or someone who should be on the cover of Men’s Health.
The “Riddle Master”
No photo, no details. Says things like “Visibility is currency. I am the light. DM your digits.” Pretty sure it’s a chatbot with spiritual issues.
I’m still determined to make it big on my own. One sale at a time. No shortcuts. But then it’s late, my coffee’s cold, my dashboard says three copies sold (and one was probably a pity buy from my cousin) … and that little voice whispers:
“What if you just spent a few hundred? What if one of them actually works?”
That’s the danger zone. That’s how they get you. And yet … I still say no. Because I’ve come this far without giving my number to a complete stranger named “BookGrowth Mastermind.”
So no thanks, Jasmine Moonfire. No thanks, whiteboard warrior.
This poor writer’s still doing it the hard way.
© Keith Landry
—
About the Author:
Keith Landry is a Canadian writer who’s sold more books than he’s read this week, which he considers a win. He writes fiction, satire, and stern replies to Facebook DMs. No, he doesn’t want a free strategy call. Yes, you can buy his books — but please, only if you’re an actual reader and not someone with “Let’s Talk Funnels” in your job title.
The Writer’s Lexicon series
and additional resources on my Facebook page.
Discover more from KathySteinemann.com: Free Resources for Writers
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Oh, I get these all the time. I recently launched a new book and advertised it as free on several F/B groups. Boy, was I bombarded!!
They were in the bushes, lying in wait for you, Thomas.
Good luck with your new book!
Hi Kathy, this was a great post! I’ve written one book so far, Loose Ends, and getting to sell the book has proved difficult. The Independent bookshops say they want your business, but then don’t stock your book. So you go to Amazon.
I was told that I should improve my media presence, get a Facebook account. From Keith’s post I’m glad I didn’t. I did sign up to LinkedIn but I’m not sure how successful that was.
I’ve now finished writing my second book and about to submit it to the publishers. I’m hoping I can use the first book to publicise the second one. But, I’m not a celebrity author so will the Independents take a risk with me?
I use prowritingaid and their new products, manuscript and beta reader, give me all the editing help I need, so I’m comfortable submitting to the publishers.
Sounds like you’re doing all the right things, David. Good luck with both books. I hope to meet you someday when the world isn’t in such disorder.
David, I love those features too. I am revising based on a few of “major concern” areas.
Keith,
OMG! Yes, I finish my first novel and am getting ready to query, Publishers Marketplace is a subscription and proof readers cost too, So, I am running my first Kickstart Crowdfunding project and Holly Cow, I have gotten more cold calls about how crappy my project look and how “they” can help. I asked if they are US based…NO. Or they give me a fake address, and fake business license…Don’t they know you can check those.
I am leery of all that available help. I with you. I will try to figure it out on my own and continue to do what I love…Write.
Thank you for the post, Writer Beware.
You have the right attitude, Jessey. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Hi Jessy,
I solve the technical issues, you know the how to do something, using ChatGPT. I also use it to edit for me though I rely on my wife to proof it before publishing.
Cheers, Keith
My college student uses Grammarly, which she shared with me and I use prowriteaid, those programs help with eliminating filler words, grammar errors and tense issues.
There is something about a human reading it and pointing out areas of improvement. I am sure you wife fill that need for your novels. My hubby is not much of a reader..lol
Thank for you response.
If you want help with marketing, pursue leads on your own – you will eventually, probably, maybe find the right person/company.
But the most important part will be vetting them to be trustworthy, not waste your money on random tweets to their ‘followers’ – or press releases that will get junked when received.
It is easy to spend money with no results.
Right on, Alicia. Trustworthy marketers don’t cold-call.
So right Alicia.
I am using Amazon ads these days, no in between.
Cheers, Keith
Oh yes, I just had one of these on ‘X’. I know better, but I feel sorry for those poor innocent fresh new authors who get sucked in by them.
I played along with one recently, and was friended by the literary company who purport to do editing and publishing as well as marketing.
Their welcome message had a typo.
Duh. Do they think we are stupid?
LOL. Yes, Deborah, they think we’re all stupid — as stoooopid as they are.
Well Deborah, I have been sucked in a few times on Fiverr. Not a lot of money but it was how they told me I had to push this icon or do that and when it all came out as crap, it was my fault.
I left a bad review about my experience and the person threatened me.
I do my own Amazon ads now.
Cheers, Keith
Thanks for the laughs. These people drive me crazy, too.
Thanks, Anne. He does have a sense of humor, right?
You’re welcome, Anne
Loved this post! Thank you, Keith.
You’re very welcome Judy. Have you had an experience like this?
Thanks for stopping by, Judi.