Irritating in Real Life, Ditto in Fiction

Have you ever shared space with someone who clears their throat every few minutes?

Annoying.

The first few times, you try to ignore the habit. Then it begins to wear on your nerves. You feel like grabbing a pillow and putting a permanent end to the irritation.

Fictional characters who clear their throats too often will annoy readers too.

Emotion Beats and Physical Manifestations

Determine motivation.

The following emotions are only a few that could incite a throat-clearing episode. If you need additional beats, consult a body language dictionary.

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A to U
agitation, anxiety, apprehension, concern, deviousness, distraction, distrust, doubt, embarrassment, fear, guilt, insecurity, love, nervousness, skepticism, uncertainty, unease

Consider substituting body language for each of these emotions.

Agitation
pacing
nail biting
forced laughter
fidgeting with one’s hair or clothing

Anxiety
jerky movements
trembling hands
grinding one’s teeth
rapid, shallow breathing

Apprehension
pursed lips
audible breathing
tugging on an ear
scratching a non-existent itch

Concern
pale face
visible sweating
wringing one’s hands
fidgeting or jiggling one’s keys, cell phone, or jewelry

Deviousness
rapid blinking
lack of eye contact
uncharacteristic stuttering
gnawing on inside of one’s cheek

Distraction
rubbing one’s arms
clenching one’s fists
adjusting one’s clothing
audible exhalations

Distrust
cocked head
interlocking one’s fingers
hands clasped behind one’s back
abbreviated greeting or handshake

Doubt
squinting
chin tilted upward
scratching one’s neck
rubbing or touching one’s nose

Embarrassment
shuffling feet
flushed cheeks
coughing or stuttering
covering one’s face with hands

Fear
flared nostrils
furrowed brow
rocking on one’s heels
tightly clenching one’s mouth

Guilt
cracking voice
trembling chin
tugging at one’s collar or clothing
staring at the floor or one’s toes

Insecurity
hugging oneself
tight-lipped smile
fiddling with one’s hair or makeup
shifting one’s weight from foot to foot

Love
licking one’s lips
flawless personal grooming
smiling for no apparent reason
constantly talking to others about one’s love interest

Nervousness
unable to sit or stand still
unable to focus on conversation
tapping one’s feet or drumming one’s fingers
handbag or briefcase held in front of one’s body

Skepticism
smirking
cocking one’s head
wrinkling one’s nose
narrowing one’s eyes

Uncertainty
biting on one’s nails or lips
twiddling one’s thumbs
holding steepled fingers to one’s lips
glancing away during conversation

Unease
insomnia
trembling
tense muscles
inability to concentrate

A Few More Alternatives for Clear the Throat

A to W
agonize, babble, blush, brood, care, carp, chafe, disbelieve, dread, fib, flinch, flounder, freeze, fret, fuss, gape, grin, huff, hum, lie, mope, mumble, panic, question, regret, rue, slouch, squirm, tremble, turn red, twitch, wriggle

Careful. Some alternatives will tell rather than show.

Let’s Review a Few Practical Applications

#1

Lester cleared his throat and said, “I don’t want to go.”

His mother responded, “What did you say?”

Lester spoke so quietly or indistinctly that his mother didn’t hear or understand him. We can make that clear.

Lester mumbled, “I don’t want to go.”

His mother responded, “What did you say?”

Better, and we cut the word count by four.

#2

Emily cleared her throat. “He’s ten minutes late. Why can’t he ever show up on time?”

Given the situation, we can assume Emily is agitated.

Emily paced. “He’s ten minutes late. Why can’t he ever show up on time?”

Now a cardboard Emily turns into a real character who moves in our imagination, and we see her motivation.

#3

“I don’t believe that,” Trudy said. She cleared her throat. “All the way to Mars and back in less than six months? Impossible.”

Trudy’s motivation? Skepticism.

“I don’t believe that.” Trudy smirked. “All the way to Mars and back in less than six months? Impossible.”

The revised version eliminates the dialogue tag and shows us a skeptical Trudy, accomplished with four fewer words.

#4

“I didn’t mean to, really, I didn’t.” Francine cleared her throat. “How can I make it up to you?”

Francine feels guilty about something. Can we demonstrate that with something besides a noise in her throat?

“I didn’t mean to, really, I didn’t.” Francine stared at her toes. “How can I make it up to you?”

Tip:

If you don’t see what you need in this post, determine your character’s motivation and then check the internet for alternatives.

For example, a search for “body language” guilt produces several excellent results.

Ready for Some Exercises and Story Prompts?

Replace all instances of throat clearing in the following. Like an idea? Use it.

#1. “Well, it’s like this, see,” Morris said to the airport security officer. He glanced at the other passengers in line and then cleared his throat. “I stopped to help an old lady. She must have stole my boarding pass. I gotta get on that plane. Please.” [Morris seems to be lying. Can you show that with body language? Or maybe he’s telling the truth about the old lady and has a compelling reason to board the flight.]

#2. The professor scanned the bored faces in the lecture room. He cleared his throat. “What if all the coincidences in our lives were really caused by aliens with a hidden agenda? What if we found out? How would we feel?”

A student near the back flinched, and his face blanched. [Is the student an alien? That blanching face seems suspicious. Maybe he’s part of a top-secret organization tasked with hunting down aliens, and he thinks the professor is one.]

#3. Sister Ashanti stared at the photo of the cancer-ridden man on her Facebook timeline. Tears filled her eyes. So skinny. Could she do it? Just once more? She cleared her throat and placed her palm over the photo. [What happens next? Does she pray for the man? If so, does his cancer disappear? Is the man related to her? Someone who wronged her? Maybe she curses him.]

#4. “My wife has a real green thumb,” Arnold said to the florist, “but the plants she buys from the grocery store are always filled with soil gnats.” He cleared his throat and pointed to a Swedish ivy in the window. “That one looks nice, but I don’t want to bring anything home unless it’s pest free.”

“No worry.” The florist smiled. “You won’t find any bugs on my plants.” [Why? Is this truly a Swedish ivy, or is it a sentient creature from another planet? Does the florist fertilize the plants with something funny? Horrific? Rather than have bugs, could the plant be a bug?]

#5. Morgan adjusted the drone’s altimeter control. The video feed showed his creation zipping over a fountain, barely avoiding the spray that could short circuit its damaged electronics. He cleared his throat. Whew, that was close!

The drone dipped into an alley and careened around a corner. Out onto Monderson Avenue. Over pedestrians and sidewalk vendors.

Without warning, an open umbrella covered the camera lens and obliterated Morgan’s view. He cursed. Sabotage. Jacob. It had to be Jacob. [Is this some kind of race with a prize for the winner? Is Morgan trying to deliver something of importance? Does his drone contain valuables he has robbed from Jacob? Maybe Jacob is an officer of the law.]