Before We Mull Over Ways to Replace Sexy, We Need to Know What It Means

If you discuss this with others, you’ll find varying opinions. That’s part of what makes sexy a weak adjective. However, you have alternatives.

You Can Show a Character’s Sex Appeal

Consider a few details that might make a character appear sexy to readers.

Independence: Women are less likely to date a mama’s boy than an independent man who makes his own decisions, and many men are drawn to powerful women with their own careers.

Intelligence: In the early 21st century, English added a word for someone who is turned on by intelligence: sapiosexualist. Even so-called normal people regard intelligence as a desirable trait. Have you ever tried to converse with someone who didn’t know the difference between Botox and boutique? Did you enjoy the experience?

Sense of humor: Many women are excited by moody bad boys, but they still appreciate a sense of humor. Who wants to be serious all the time?

Joie de vivre: Those who manifest an exuberant enjoyment of life transmit an enthusiasm that infects everyone around them. Their smiles brighten a room.

Positive outlook: Wouldn’t you rather share a meal with a positive person than with a pessimist? Most people would, and your characters should reflect that — unless your story features a dysfunctional person who pursues atypical relationships.

Confidence: Self-assurance outshines good looks. Some of the world’s most attractive people are insecure, and love based on appearance often morphs into a dysfunctional relationship. Imbue your sexy characters with confidence.

Rolled-up sleeves on men: While a shirtless man might be overt in his sexiness, partially bared arms illustrate the allure of the classic you shouldn’t show too much skin advice.

High heels for women, uniforms for men: These represent sexiness for most people. But maybe your protagonist was attacked by a woman in high heels or a man in uniform. Take the normal and twist it into a story.

Clothing that hides more than it reveals: What’s sexier: seeing the naked body — or imagining it? Imagination is a powerful tool. Exploit it. Modesty is hot.

Good conversational skills: Someone who can maintain engaging dialogue is more appealing to both sexes than the mindless sycophant who laughs at everything the other person says.

Good personal hygiene: Most people are repelled by stinky bodies, wax-filled ears, and clothes that look like they’ve been slept in for weeks. Poor hygiene might be appropriate for a thug, but not for a sexy protagonist.

Dimples: Babies have dimples, and almost everyone loves babies. Dimples make a person look happy; happy implies a good sense of humor; happy people with a good sense of humor attract others.

Well-groomed hair: Hair that looks and smells clean says, “I take care of myself. I’m a confident person.” It doesn’t have to be an elaborate hairstyle — just something that broadcasts a feeling of self-worth.

Facial symmetry: Many scientists theorize that our affinity for symmetrical faces in both men and women evolved from a desire to find a healthy mate. Although the theory is debated, facial symmetry does rate high on the scale of sexual attractiveness.

Excellent health: This attribute stems from the biological urge to find a mate who can produce healthy offspring. Even though characters may opt not to be parents, the urge will drive many of their decisions.

Sturdy physique: A sturdy physique implies excellent health and confidence.

Clear skin: Another indicator of healthiness.

Pleasant voice: Both sexes shun high, tinny voices. Try smoky, raspy, husky, gravelly, silky, smooth, silvery, deep, velvety, etc.

Courage: Those with courage defend their friends, lovers, and causes. What’s sexier than having someone stand between you and the world when you’re experiencing a bad day?

Individuality: Most people don’t want a significant other who looks and acts like everyone else. Replace the cookie-cutter characters with real personalities who possess unique qualities and quirks.

Knowledge that another person is attracted to you: The heart beats faster when someone reciprocates love. Affirmation is often revealed via subtle clues like secretive glances, “accidental” touches of the hand, or blushing.

Openness and willingness to share secrets: Baring one’s soul to another demonstrates trust and vulnerability. That kindles the protective instinct.

Honesty: This is closely related to the previous point. Honesty endears us to others. An unknown author once said, “The vulnerability honesty requires isn’t something everybody can handle. Lying allows people to be comfortable.”

Maintaining eye contact: Those who maintain eye contact with others are usually honest individuals who can be trusted. An exception: sociopaths. Story idea?

Eyes that “see into a person’s soul”: Your characters’ eyes should be more than winking orbs with fluttering lashes.

Compassionate personality: Those who demonstrate compassion for people, animals, and the environment will do the same for their love interests.

Good listening skills: While confidence is attractive, chattering without giving anyone else a chance to talk is not — especially when the chatter is narcissistic.

Attentiveness: Does your character notice when a date’s coffee needs refilling, or recognize the signs of unhappiness after a bad day at work? Sexy.

Courtesy and respect for others: Those who exhibit courtesy and respect for others will do the same for lovers.

Ethics: People with good ethics treat their sweethearts with respect, and they are less likely to cheat.

Loyalty: Someone who sticks by you no matter what is more appealing than an attractive cheater.

Politeness: Politeness means remembering a date’s name, speaking in turn, and not talking with a mouth full of food. Flirting with someone else? Verboten.

Non-smoker: Sorry, smokers. Unless you hook up with another smoker, you’re unlikely to make points with your addiction. The percentage of people in North America who smoke is about 12.5%. A smoker’s dating options become smaller every year.

Someone who appreciates you at all times: “That’s all right, honey. I don’t mind burnt toast.” … “I love you, even though you stink like a barnyard right now.” … “Another speeding ticket? Aw, you look cute when you’re embarrassed.”

Humongous bank account: According to Maslow, physiological and safety needs are the two strongest motivators for all humans. A logical byproduct is a desire to pair with people who possess the financial resources to satisfy those needs.

Do You Learn Best by Example?

Let’s analyze a few snippets.

Example 1

Helene put on sexy lingerie. Burt gulped.

What makes the lingerie sexy? Whose point of view is represented? Let’s make it Helene’s:

Helene slipped into a sheer negligee. She smoothed her fingers over the silk, and smiled when Burt gasped.

The second paragraph shows interaction between the two characters, and Burt’s gasp is more forceful than a gulp. In this context, slipped into describes Helene’s donning of her negligee better than put on.

A few changes can communicate this from Burt’s point of view:

Heat flashed into every one of Burt’s extremities as Helene slipped into a sheer negligee. She smoothed her fingers over the silk, and smiled when he gasped.

Burt’s reaction shows readers that this paragraph is from his point of view.

Example 2

A sexy man nursing a drink sat in a dark corner of the bar. Carmen walked toward him.

What makes the man sexy? Do you feel any heat or anticipation? I don’t.

A man with a confident smile sat in a dark corner of the bar. His rolled-up sleeves revealed muscular arms that ended in masculine hands wrapped around a half-finished drink. Carmen’s heart beat a little faster as she sidled up to him.

A brief description shows what Carmen considers sexy in the man. Her reaction reinforces her opinion, and sidled up to produces a stronger image than walked toward.

Let’s try another version:

A brooding Marine with a neatly trimmed mustache sat erect in a dark corner of the bar, clutching his half-finished drink in a white-knuckled grip. Carmen held her breath. This was the man she dreamed about every night.

Brooding, uniform, good grooming — all sexy indicators for many women. Added to the mix is a bit of intrigue. Why is the Marine familiar to Carmen, and why is he clutching his drink so tightly?

Example 3

Every male in the room watched Miranda when she came through the door. She is so sexy, Marianne thought, desperate for attention.

This example provides some show in the first sentence, but the second is pure tell; and readers will be confused when they encounter characters with similar names. Time for a rewrite:

Every male in the room gawked like a lovesick schoolboy at Miranda when she sashayed through the door. Curves, flawless skin, confident smile — Venus de Milo in the flesh. Lois bit her bottom lip.

Do I need to point out the words that show Miranda’s sexiness? Note the strong verbs gawked and sashayed. Lois’s lip-biting shows her desperation.

Another version might amplify the tension by revealing Lois’s thoughts:

Every male in the room ogled Miranda when she flounced through the door. Lois was sure the temperature jumped at least five degrees when they all rushed to join her. Blast it, she thought, why did I even bother to put on makeup? Miranda always hogs the limelight.

More strong verbs with ogled and flounced. Not a single occurrence of sexy, but readers will see Miranda’s sexiness.

A List of Adjectives to Replace Sexy

Margaret Wolfe Hungerford said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” If you’ve exhausted all avenues to show sexiness, check these alternatives.

A to C
alluring, ambrosial, arousing, beguiling, bewitching, bodacious, bootylicious, built, busty, buxom, captivating, chic, come-hither, coquettish, coy, curvaceous, curvy

D to F
delectable, delicious, desirable, enchanting, enrapturing, enthralling, enticing, entrancing, exciting, exquisite, eyesome, feminine, fiery, flirtatious, foxy

H to M
hot, hot-blooded, hunky, inveigling, inviting, irresistible, juicy, kittenish, lip-smacking, luscious, lush, magnetic, masculine, mesmerizing, mouthwatering

N to R
nubile, oogley, passionate, provocative, ravishing, red-hot, riveting

S
saucy, scrumptious, seductive, sensual, sizzling, smoking, smoky, snappy, snazzy, sniptious, spicy, stacked, steamy, stunning, suave, succulent, sultry

T to Y
tantalizing, tasty, tempting, titillating, torrid, vampish, voluptuous, well-built, yummy