What’s a Paraprosdokian, and Why Should You Care?

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech with an unexpected ending that is often humorous. An imaginative turn of phrase can enliven dialogue and contribute to the personality of your narrator. Better yet, the creative process exercises your brain and can lead to new ideas for your WIP.

A Few Famous Paraprosdokians

• “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing — after they have tried everything else.” ~ Winston Churchill
• “Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
• “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” ~ Albert Einstein
• “If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.” ~ Mario Andretti
• “He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce, I keep the house.” ~ Zsa Zsa Gabore
• “When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield
• “There are three kinds of people in the world — those who can count and those who can’t.” ~ Anonymous
• “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.” ~ Mark Twain
• “I have the heart of a small boy — in a glass jar on my desk.” ~ Stephen King
• “The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.” ~ Robert Benchley

A Few Not-So-Famous Paraprosdokians

These aren’t famous (yet?) because I invented them. I hope they trigger a smile or two.

• Discretion is the better part of every illicit affair.
• Hell has no fury like a woman scorned or a woman who sits on a toilet after the seat has been left up.
• When you fish for compliments, be sure you have the right bait.
• Don’t bite off more than you can chew unless you have a doggie bag handy.
• A cat has nine lives to compensate for the ammonia fumes it encounters in the litter box.
• Mother is always right, unless she’s left-handed.
• A stitch in time saves nine, but who sews nowadays?
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless your neighbor raises dogs.
• All that glitters isn’t gold. Sometimes it’s a leftover sequin from last night’s party.
• Only time will tell. So will I, unless you give me twenty bucks to keep my mouth
• When life gives you lemons, sell the car.
• Better safe than sorry, unless the safe is empty.
• A good man is hard to find, especially when the dishes need to be washed.
• A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Too bad you don’t have one.
• Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Unless you’re a chocoholic. If you love chocolate, you never lose weight.
• When the boot is on the other foot, you learn that snow is cold.
• Finders keepers, losers litigants.
• If you burn the candle at both ends, you blister your fingers.
• Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent googling for the answers.
• A good rule of thumb is not to use your thumb as a ruler.
• Don’t expect a knight in shining armor unless you’re ready to do a lot of polishing.
• We got off on the wrong foot, but then we switched sides for the three-legged race.
• Half a loaf is better than none, although I prefer to loaf all day.
• I try to handle my mother-in-law with kid gloves, but the gloves won’t fit.
• My mom always made really good kids.

Your Turn

Can you convert one of the following into a paraprosdokian? Or invent a new one? You’ll retain the copyright to anything you create.

• A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
• A leopard doesn’t change its spots.
• Cleanliness is next to godliness.
• Cold hands, warm heart
• Curiosity killed the cat.
• Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
• Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
• Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
• Good fences make good neighbors.
• Good things come to those who wait.
• He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword.
• Hindsight is 20/20.
• Home is where you hang your hat.
• If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
• If the shoe fits, wear it.
• If you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door.
• If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
• Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
• It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.
• It’s not whether you win or lose but how you play the game.
• It’s not written in stone.
• Lightning never strikes the same place twice.
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
• One good turn deserves another.
• One person’s garbage is another person’s treasure.
• People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
• Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
• Quit while you’re ahead.
• Smile and the world smiles with you; cry and you cry alone.
• Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.
• That which does not kill you makes you stronger.
• The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree.
• The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
• The left hand never knows what the right hand is doing.
• The more things change, the more they stay the same.
• There’s no use crying over spilled milk.
• To err is human, to forgive divine.
• Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
• You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
• You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
• You can’t take it with you.
• You zigged when you should have zagged.