Readers Should Never Be Confused by Your Writing
This series of articles discusses hurdles that cause reader confusion.
Confusion = gripes = lost readers.
Here’s article #7. Do you see the problem? How would you fix it?
Introduction to Excerpt
This is a short passage, edited to preserve writers’ anonymity, composed of sentences from various sources.
Excerpt
With baited breath, Tiffany peaked at her cellphone while Professor Barton droned, “… and now we’ll segway to the jeans of the ancient Egyptians. Scientists have discovered that …”
Professor Boaring. That’s what everyone called him. Because he was an insufferable boar. Tiffany was to upset about her date the previous knight to bare any more of his stupid lecture.
His glance moved in her direction.
She quickly laid down her phone, covered it with a peace of paper, and preyed that he wouldn’t see it.
The professor past by her desk, chewing on a caret, as he made his weigh to the back of the class.
Tiffany breathed a sigh of relief, but couldn’t prevent the moisture that oozed out of one eye and decided to role down her face. Why hasn’t Trent texted me? She rung her hands together, not knowing weather the tier was because she was mad or sad.
Here’s the Problem
Did you find all the incorrect homophones?
homophone: a type of homonym; words that sound alike but have different meanings and spellings.
Go back and count them.
…
You should have found eighteen. If you didn’t, read it again.
Still stymied?
The Writer’s Lexicon series
and additional resources on my Facebook page.
Check the Edited Excerpt
With baited breath, Tiffany peaked at her cellphone while Professor Barton droned, “… and now we’ll segway to the jeans of the ancient Egyptians. Scientists have discovered that …”
Professor Boaring. That’s what everyone called him. Because he was an insufferable boar. Tiffany was to upset about her date the previous knight to bare any more of his stupid lecture.
His glance moved in her direction.
She quickly laid down her phone, covered it with a peace of paper, and preyed that he wouldn’t see it.
The professor past by her desk, chewing on a caret, as he made his weigh to the back of the class.
Tiffany breathed a sigh of relief, but couldn’t prevent the moisture that oozed out of one eye and decided to role down her face. Why hasn’t Trent texted me? She rung her hands together, not knowing weather the tier was because she was mad or sad.
Here’s the Solution
With bated breath, Tiffany peeked at her cellphone while Professor Barton droned, “… and now we’ll segue to the genes of the ancient Egyptians. Scientists have discovered that …”
Professor Boring. That’s what everyone called him. Because he was an insufferable bore. Tiffany was too upset about her date the previous night to bear any more of his stupid lecture.
His glance moved in her direction.
She quickly laid down her phone, covered it with a piece of paper, and prayed that he wouldn’t see it.
The professor passed by her desk, chewing on a carrot, as he made his way to the back of the class.
Tiffany breathed a sigh of relief, but couldn’t prevent the moisture that oozed out of one eye and decided to roll down her face. Why hasn’t Trent texted me? She wrung her hands together, not knowing whether the tear was because she was mad or sad.
Takeaway
Research every word you’re not sure of and double-check contextual definitions. Readers and editors will lose patience if they have to continually stop and reread sentences.
P.S.
bated [adj.]: in suspense; anxiously or excitedly
baited [adj.]: prepared (as in a hook or trap) with bait
peak [verb]: to reach a high point; culminate; climax
peak [noun]: the top part of a mountain or hill that ends in a point
peek [verb]: to look quickly, perhaps in a furtive manner
Segway™ [noun]: a two-wheeled motorized personal vehicle
segue [verb]: to transition smoothly from one topic to another
jeans [noun]: trousers or pants, typically made of denim
genes [noun]: plural of gene: a unit of heredity that is passed from parent to offspring
boaring [noun]: the activity of hunting boars
boring [adj.]: tedious, dull, monotonous
boar [noun]: an uncastrated domesticated male pig.
bore [noun]: a tedious person whose conversation or behavior is uninteresting
to [prep.]: indicating movement toward; approaching or reaching a specific condition
too [adverb of degree]: overly, excessively, very
knight [noun]: mounted soldier serving a feudal lord
night [noun]: the dark time between dusk and dawn
bare [verb]: to make naked; to reveal something
bear [verb]: to carry, convey, haul
peace [noun]: tranquility; absence of war
piece [noun]: a portion, part, bit
prey [verb]: to hunt and kill for food; to stalk
pray [verb]: to wish or hope fervently
past [adj.]: gone by in time; no longer in existence
passed [verb]: moved, proceeded, progressed
caret [noun]: a “^” in written or printed text
carrot [noun]: the orange root eaten as a vegetable
weigh [verb]: to determine how heavy someone or something is by using a device like a scale
way [noun]: road, track, or path along which someone or something travels
role [noun]: an actor’s part in a movie, play, etc.
roll [verb]: to move by turning over and over on an axis
rung [verb]: encircled, encompassed
wrung [verb]: squeezed and twisted
weather [noun]: the state of meteorological conditions; climate
whether [conjunction]: if
tier [noun]: a row or level of a structure that usually decreases in size with each level
tear [noun]: moisture produced by the eyes
The Writer’s Lexicon series
and additional resources on my Facebook page.
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This is why books like “The Elements of Style” were written and why editors and proofreaders were invented.
Good point, Jean.
However, some (many?) authors feel that their brilliant stories don’t need editing and proofreading:
Write a bunch of words. Slap together a cover. Press Publish. Wait for the millions of $$$ and adoring fans.
A notice at the checkout in Halfords said ‘our till is not working, please bare with us’. When I asked the girl if we had to take all our clothes off, she looked at me strangely.
I wonder why? 😉
I’ve often thought of snapping pictures of all the weird signs I see. It would make an interesting series of memes–or maybe a graphic novel.
Baited breath rears its ugly head again!
And if you set the bait just right, you might trap its head.
I SO agree, and yes I PAINFULLY found them all. I wouldn’t read that book either. If the author doesn’t care enough to check her work, I don’t care enough to read it.
Ha ha, Ruth. I smiled when I read your capitalized words, especially PAINFULLY. Pain–exactly what readers feel when they read this type of [expletive]. Thanks for your comment.