The Foible Discussed Here Could Make Reviewers Delete Stars

And it could confuse readers. Confusion = gripes = lost readers.

Will you see the problem? How would you fix it?

Introduction to Excerpt

The following paragraph was taken from a book written in 1882.

Excerpt

“I can never correct her in any way,” replied Douglas, gloomily; and then Anne, seeing that he was on the threshold of one of his dark moods, lighted his pipe, stirred the fire into a cheery blaze, and went out to get a cup of coffee for him. For the Irish soldier’s wife was already at work in the kitchen, having been to mass in the cold gray dawn, down on her two knees on the hard floor, repentant for all her sins and refulgently content in the absolution which wiped out the old score (and left place for a new one). After taking in the coffee, Anne ran up to her own room, brought down the ribbon, and placed it in Tita’s stocking; she then made up the fire with light-wood, and set about decorating the walls with wreaths of evergreen as the patter of the little boys’ feet was heard on the old stairway. The breakfast table was noisy that morning. Tita had inspected her ribbons demurely, and wondered how Santa Klaus knew her favorite colors so well. Anne glanced toward her father, and smiled; but the father’s face showed doubt, and did not respond. While they were still at the table the door opened, and a tall figure entered, muffled in furs. “Miss Lois!” cried the boys. “Hurrah! See our presents, Miss Lois.” They danced round her while she removed her wrappings, and kept up such a noise that no one could speak. Miss Lois, viewed without her cloak and hood, was a tall, angular woman, past middle age, with sharp features, thin brown hair tinged with gray, and pale blue eyes shielded by spectacles. She kissed Anne first with evident affection and afterward the children with business-like promptitude; then she shook hands with William Douglas. “I wish you a happy Christmas, doctor,” she said. [308 words]

Here’s the Problem

Although Constance Fenimore Woolson wrote Anne more than a century ago, it demonstrates a foible found in many modern works: one long paragraph covering multiple events and speakers.

Even one of my WordPress plug-ins warned me about the paragraph’s length and deducted points for this post.

Here’s the Solution

“I can never correct her in any way,” replied Douglas, gloomily; and then Anne, seeing that he was on the threshold of one of his dark moods, lighted his pipe, stirred the fire into a cheery blaze, and went out to get a cup of coffee for him. For the Irish soldier’s wife was already at work in the kitchen, having been to mass in the cold gray dawn, down on her two knees on the hard floor, repentant for all her sins and refulgently content in the absolution which wiped out the old score (and left place for a new one).

[New action: new paragraph.]

After taking in the coffee, Anne ran up to her own room, brought down the ribbon, and placed it in Tita’s stocking; she then made up the fire with light-wood, and set about decorating the walls with wreaths of evergreen as the patter of the little boys’ feet was heard on the old stairway.

[New action: new paragraph.]

The breakfast table was noisy that morning. Tita had inspected her ribbons demurely, and wondered how Santa Klaus knew her favorite colors so well. Anne glanced toward her father, and smiled; but the father’s face showed doubt, and did not respond.

[New action, new speakers: new paragraph.]

While they were still at the table the door opened, and a tall figure entered, muffled in furs. “Miss Lois!” cried the boys. “Hurrah! See our presents, Miss Lois.” They danced round her while she removed her wrappings, and kept up such a noise that no one could speak.

[The focus changes to a new speaker: new paragraph.]

Miss Lois, viewed without her cloak and hood, was a tall, angular woman, past middle age, with sharp features, thin brown hair tinged with gray, and pale blue eyes shielded by spectacles. She kissed Anne first with evident affection and afterward the children with business-like promptitude; then she shook hands with William Douglas. “I wish you a happy Christmas, doctor,” she said.

Takeaway

New speaker = new paragraph.

Readers can’t keep track if the dialogue of several characters is crammed into the same block of text.

No exceptions — unless you’re including tidbits of unattributed conversation, perhaps from a crowd or in an elevator — similar to the following example of Dr. John Yeoman’s hubbub technique:

“I heard that Janis is coming.” … “No way.” … “Did you see the awful dress Betty is wearing?” … “Yeah, no fashion sense.” … “Did you see my phone?” … “Maybe you left it in the washroom.”

Consider reader comfort as you write, and remember that by varying paragraph length, you add rhythm and personality. Overlong paragraphs pose a formidable task for readers, especially on electronic devices with small screens where it’s easy to lose one’s place.