This series of articles discusses hurdles that cause reader confusion.

Confusion = gripes = lost readers.

Here’s article #4. Do you see the problem? How would you fix it?

Introduction to Excerpt

The following two paragraphs take place in the late nineteenth century.

Excerpt

It is a vale whose acquaintance is best made by viewing it from the summits of the skyscraperesque hills that surround it — except perhaps during the droughts of summer. An unguided backpack into its recesses in bad weather is apt to engender dissatisfaction with its narrow, tortuous, and miry ways.

… The traveler from the coast, who, after plodding northward for a score of miles over calcareous downs and corn-lands, suddenly reaches the verge of one of these escarpments, is surprised and delighted to behold, extended like a map beneath them, a country differing absolutely from that which they have passed through. At their six, the hills are open, the sun blazes down upon fields so large as to give an unenclosed character to the landscape, the lanes are white, the hedges low …

Did You See It? Scan It Again Below, Noting the Underlined Portions

It is a vale whose acquaintance is best made by viewing it from the summits of the skyscraperesque hills that surround it — except perhaps during the droughts of summer. An unguided backpack into its recesses in bad weather is apt to engender dissatisfaction with its narrow, tortuous, and miry ways.

… The traveler from the coast, who, after plodding northward for a score of miles over calcareous downs and corn-lands, suddenly reaches the verge of one of these escarpments, is surprised and delighted to behold, extended like a map beneath them, a country differing absolutely from that which they have passed through. At their six, the hills are open, the sun blazes down upon fields so large as to give an unenclosed character to the landscape, the lanes are white, the hedges low …

Here’s the Problem

Skyscraperesque, backpack, and at their six didn’t exist during the Victorian era when the story occurred, and the words don’t fit the voice of the piece. They would be more appropriate for modern-day military fiction.

Until recently, he and him were preferred for indeterminate characters, not they and them. Ditto for his instead of their.

Here’s the Solution

The next section shows the genuine excerpt, from Tess of the d’Ubervilles, as it was written by Thomas Hardy in 1891.

Original Excerpt

It is a vale whose acquaintance is best made by viewing it from the summits of the hills that surround it — except perhaps during the droughts of summer. An unguided ramble into its recesses in bad weather is apt to engender dissatisfaction with its narrow, tortuous, and miry ways.

… The traveler from the coast, who, after plodding northward for a score of miles over calcareous downs and corn-lands, suddenly reaches the verge of one of these escarpments, is surprised and delighted to behold, extended like a map beneath him, a country differing absolutely from that which he has passed through. Behind him the hills are open, the sun blazes down upon fields so large as to give an unenclosed character to the landscape, the lanes are white, the hedges low …

Takeaway

Contemporary authors who wish to create narrative that reads as though it were written in the past should research the etymology of their text via sites such as Etymonline.com and Dictionary.com. Even though a word or phrase might have been in use at the time in which the story is set, avoid it if it sounds modern.

Words that don’t seem to fit will pull readers out of a story. Compare the experience to that of seeing a sleek modern font on a vintage Victorian print or the cover of an Old West novel.

If you want your writing to sound like that of a Victorian (Old West, ancient Greek, etc.) author, read public domain works by writers who lived during the applicable time period.