Readers Should Never Be Confused by Your Writing

This series of articles discusses hurdles that cause reader confusion.

Confusion = gripes = lost readers.

Here’s article #1. Do you see the problem? How would you fix it?

Introduction to Excerpt

The following paragraphs begin a new chapter in a novel. At this point, any one of six pivotal characters could show up at any moment. The author switches POV frequently throughout the novel.

You have a few clues. Now, let’s review the text.

Excerpt (Edited to Preserve Anonymity of Writer)

He didn’t know what to expect. Perhaps something like the snafu at New Year’s Eve. The surroundings were similar, involving a humongous layout of food, party favors, and booze. A rented six-bottle liquor dispenser stood on the edge of the balcony beside two kegs of beer, and dozens of steaks sizzled over a bed of coals on the likewise-rented community-sized barbecue, spitting small puffs of smoke and delectable aromas into the brisk autumn air.

He smirked as he viewed the rowdy faces before him: faces smeared with body paint that couldn’t camouflage their booze-flushed complexions. His stomach protested the delay, but its persistent rumble was too low to be heard above the drunken chorus of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.”

He snorted. By the time the meat is ready, I’ll be skin and bone. He had been arranging and prepping all day, and now a crescent moon was visible in the dark sky. He grabbed his beer from among the condiments on the portable table and glugged deeply before rearranging the steaks on the grill.

He grinned as he gazed at his hungry audience, nodding to a face here, winking at another over there, and he tried to figure out how much longer it would take for the first of the T-bones to be ready. Just a couple more minutes, with any luck.

He started another boisterous chorus of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.”

Here’s the Problem

The person is male. But he’s unidentified, and he’s not the main character in the previous chapter. How are we to know who he is?

We struggle through over 200 words and several paragraphs, without a clue.

I call this The Anonymity Conundrum.

Solutions

Change the first word of the first paragraph to the name of the character. Easy fix, with no increase in word count.

Rayner didn’t know what to expect.

Perhaps you intend to keep the character’s identity anonymous. If so, try a sentence like one of the following for the first line.

The killer didn’t know what to expect.
The actor didn’t know what to expect.
The stuntman didn’t know what to expect.
The clone didn’t know what to expect.
The caterer didn’t know what to expect.

“But,” you may say, “the reader will figure out who it is.”

Maybe so. However, the harder you make readers work, the more likely they are to grunt and switch to a book by another author.

And they might disregard every other novel you write.

Have you ever read a book with sections like this?

How did it make you feel?

Takeaway

Unless you have a reason for concealing identities, begin chapters or section breaks with named characters.