Editor Gripe #6: Are You Guilty of This Writing No-No?

This series of articles discusses writing habits that upset editors.

Here’s article #6. Do you see the problem?

Introduction to Excerpt

You won’t find the following paragraphs in a book. They’re a representation of what I see occasionally while reading, critiquing, and editing.

Excerpt

“I ain’t NEVER seen NOTHIN’ like THIS before, Harry.”

Harry glared over the top of his book at his roommate, Jack. “WHAT?”

“They’re marchin’ AGAIN, marchin’ and protestin’ and throwin’ rocks and settin’ FIRE to stuff.”

Harry SLAMMED his book into his lap. “Will you shut UP? I’m TRYING to read.”

“READ? WHEN THE WORLD IS FALLIN’ APART?” Jack HAMMERED on the TV. “IT’S ON EVERY CHANNEL.”

Harry SEIZED the remote and HURLED it at the screen, which cracked, fizzled, and went black.

Jack WALLOPED him in the jaw and STOMPED out of the living room.

Here’s the Problem

The excerpt emphasizes several words by capitalizing them. Do they stand out? In a good way?

Although the emphasis is overdone, it’s vaguely reminiscent of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain. Twain had access to italics but chose not to use them, as did F. Scott Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby.

Snippet from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

“Say — I’m going in a-swimming, I am. Don’t you wish you could? But of course you’d druther WORK — wouldn’t you? Course you would!”

Tom contemplated the boy a bit, and said:

“What do you call work’”

“Why, ain’t THAT work?”

Tom resumed his whitewashing, and answered carelessly:

“Well, maybe it is and maybe it ain’t. All I know is, it suits Tom Sawyer.”

“Oh come, now, you don’t mean to let on that you LIKE it?”

Snippets from The Great Gatsby (all-caps infrequent but noticeable)

“Why CANDLES?” objected Daisy, frowning. She snapped them out with her fingers.
“Chester, I think you could do something with HER,” she broke out, but Mr. McKee only nodded in a bored way and turned his attention to Tom.
“Can’t STAND them.” She looked at Myrtle and then at Tom.
“The only CRAZY I was was when I married him. I knew right away I made a mistake. …”
“I don’t think it’s so much THAT,” argued Lucille skeptically.

All-Caps Aren’t the Only Approach

Rather than all-caps, writers sometimes add emphasis with enlarged, underlined, bold, or italicized text.

Let’s Try Switching From All-Caps to Italics

“I ain’t never seen nothin’ like this before, Harry.”

Harry glared over the top of his book at his roommate, Jack. “What?”

“They’re marchin’ again, marchin’ and protestin’ and throwin’ rocks and settin’ fire to stuff.”

Harry slammed his book into his lap. “Will you shut up? I’m trying to read.”

“Read? When the world is fallin’ apart?” Jack hammered on the TV. “It’s on every channel.”

Harry seized the remote and hurled it at the screen, which cracked, fizzled, and went black.

Jack walloped him in the jaw and stomped out of the living room.

Find thousands of writing tips and word lists in
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Still Not Great, Right?

Modern editors and readers prefer italics for emphasis. However, too much emphasis is worse than none, resulting in paragraph after paragraph where nothing stands out.

Some Editors Would Remove Every Instance of All-Caps and Italics

“I ain’t never seen nothin’ like this before, Harry.”

Harry glared over the top of his book at his roommate, Jack. “What?”

“They’re marchin’ again, marchin’ and protestin’ and throwin’ rocks and settin’ fire to stuff.”

Harry slammed his book into his lap. “Will you shut up? I’m trying to read.”

“Read? When the world is fallin’ apart?” Jack hammered on the TV. “It’s on every channel.”

Harry seized the remote and hurled it at the screen, which cracked, fizzled, and went black.

Jack walloped him in the jaw and stomped out of the living room.

Did the Excerpt Need Emphasis?

Read the previous section again if necessary. Notice how quickly your brain absorbs what it sees while it interprets the text and intuits emphasis.

Strong verbs already intensify the scene.

glare: to stare in an angry or fierce way

slam: to slap down noisily or aggressively

hammer: to strike forcefully, as with a hammer

seize: to grab suddenly or forcibly

hurl: to throw with force or violence

wallop: to strike or hit very hard

stomp: to walk noisily and angrily

Takeaway

Unless you encounter unclear phrasing like the following examples, emphasis is usually unnecessary. Notice how the meaning changes by stressing a different word in each sentence. Seven words, seven different connotations:

I never said Mary touched your doughnut. (But someone else said it.)

I never said Mary touched your doughnut. (Really, I didn’t. Ever.)

I never said Mary touched your doughnut. (I implied it.)

I never said Mary touched your doughnut. (I said someone else touched it.)

I never said Mary touched your doughnut. (I said she ate it.)

I never said Mary touched your doughnut. (She touched someone else’s.)

I never said Mary touched your doughnut. (She touched your ham sandwich.)

P.S.

Whatever you decide about emphasis, remember that modern readers interpret all-caps as yelling — best reserved for characters’ text messages, social media posts, etc.

P.P.S.

I present below a couple of examples. Do the all-caps portions annoy or augment?

Excerpt from A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving, author of bestsellers such as The World According to Garp and The Cider House Rules.

“TOO BIG,” Owen said.

“Missus Webster?” I asked him.

“TOO LOW,” Owen said.

“Missus Merrill?” I asked.

“VERY FUNNY,” Owen said.

“Miss Judkins?” I said.

“I DON’T KNOW,” he said. “I CAN’T REMEMBER THEM. BUT SHE’S NOT A MOTHER.”

“Miss Farnum!” I said.

“YOU’RE JUST FOOLING AROUND.” Owen said peevishly.

“Caroline Perkins!” I said.

“MAYBE ONE DAY,” he said seriously. “BUT SHE’S NOT A MOTHER, EITHER.”

“Irene Babson!” I said.

“DON’T GIVE ME THE SHIVERS,” Owen said. “YOUR MOTHER’S THE ONE,” he said worshipfully. “AND SHE SMELLS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE, TOO,” he added.

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Excerpt from Pulitzer Prize-winning poet Frank Bidart’s poem, “To the Dead” in Half-light: Collected Poems 1965-2016.

What I hope (when I hope) is that we’ll
see each other again, —

… and again reach the VEIN

in which we loved each other …
It existed. It existed.

There is a NIGHT within the NIGHT, —

… for, like the detectives (the Ritz Brothers)
in The Gorilla,

once we’d been battered by the gorilla

we searched the walls, the intricately carved
impenetrable paneling

for a button, lever, latch

that unlocks a secret door that
reveals at last the secret chambers,

CORRIDORS within WALLS,

(the disenthralling, necessary, dreamed structure
beneath the structure we see,)

that is the HOUSE within the HOUSE …