What Is the Goal of Writing?

Answer: communication.

The message, whether fiction or nonfiction, might be obvious in the writer’s mind but as obscure as dirt to someone else.

Is Occasional Confusion a Big Deal?

Yes!

Think of it this way: A woman asks her husband to pick up ice cream. He returns with the wrong flavor. She sends him back to the store. He goes, but he wastes time and becomes irritated.

Readers become irritated when forced to reread sentences. Keep them happy from the first word to the last.

This post discusses a few common words and phrases that readers might misinterpret.

About: around; approximately; regarding

They all stood about a yard …

This could begin a sentence that refers to people standing around in a physical yard or approximately a yard away from something. Until readers reach the words following the ellipsis, they have no point of reference.

They all stood about in a yard, eyes skyward, waiting for the super moon to appear.

My preference would be to delete about in the previous sentence.

They all stood approximately a yard away from the entrance, waiting for the store to open.

Edits clarify the author’s intent before readers have a chance to falter.

Jordan telephoned Wilson about ten …

Did Jordan telephone Wilson regarding ten [job applicants, parcels, missing books, etc.] or at approximately ten o’clock? Once again, until readers reach whatever follows the ellipsis, they won’t know.

Jordan telephoned Wilson regarding ten files the hacker had left on the mainframe.

Jordan glanced at his watch — almost ten o’clock. He telephoned Wilson.

Specificity = satisfied readers.

As: because; at the same time as, when

As Mr. Wilde left the room, Debra reached for her cellphone.

Did Debra reach for her cellphone at the same time as Mr. Wilde left the room or because he left the room? Details will prevent ambiguity.

When Mr. Wilde left the room, Debra reached for her cellphone.

Still not as clear as it could be. Let’s up our game.

Debra grumbled. Mr. Wilde was not her favorite teacher. And his rule about no cellphones in class was archaic. Wait. Was he leaving? She reached for her phone.

Debra’s motivation and response are apparent now.

Before: beforehand, prior to; in front of

Jareth bowed before Wentworth.

Did Jareth bow prior to Wentworth, or did he bow in front of Wentworth? Easy fix.

Jareth bowed a moment before Wentworth (did).

Jareth faced Wentworth, bowed, and offered his sword in fealty.

The first example depicts Jareth and Wentworth bowing to a third person or to one another, with Jareth’s bow preceding Wentworth’s by a moment. The second example portrays Jareth bowing in front of (to) Wentworth.

Call: to dub, name; to telephone

Pam called him Friday.

Did Pam name him Friday, as in Robinson Crusoe, or did she telephone him on Friday?

Pam called him on Friday.

The addition of a single word clarifies the meaning. Or consider the following.

Pam telephoned him (on) Friday.

Pam named him Friday.

I encounter this type of muddle most often in period pieces.

Fairly: moderately; quite; equitably

Fairly encompasses numerous disparate meanings. Rather than fairly, try targeted adverbs. Better yet, avoid adverbs, opting for stronger verbs and adjectives.

Review the following substitution options.

moderately: a bit, in part, in some measure, modestly, rather, somewhat, to some extent

quite: extremely, intensely, markedly, particularly, really, tremendously, very

equitably: evenhandedly, impartially, justly, legitimately, objectively, rightfully, without bias

Go off: explode in anger; leave

James heard Thomas go off.

Did Thomas throw a temper tantrum? Did he leave?

James heard Thomas slam his fist against the wall.

James heard Thomas close the door after he left the room.

Both sentences, although unambiguous, would be stronger if they weren’t filtered through James’s ears.

James cringed when Thomas slammed his fist against the wall.

Thomas closed the door after he left the room. James grinned.

We could omit all mention of James. However, his body language strengthens the narrative.

Hard: difficult; inflexible, solid, tough; cruel; intense

“It’s so hard,” Kim said.

Is Kim touching something solid? Is she facing a difficult dilemma?

“This rock is so hard,” Kim said. “I’ll never be able to break through.”

“I’ve never faced such a difficult problem,” Kim said.

Mystery demystified.

Roberto’s face was etched with hard lines.

This sentence is passable but not great. Let’s choose precise adjectives that turn mediocre descriptions into powerful images.

Roberto’s face was etched with cruel lines.

Roberto’s face was etched with intense lines.

Roberto’s face was etched with threatening lines.

Each of the preceding sentences conveys a different reason for the lines in Roberto’s face.

Consider these more active sentences:

Cruel lines etched Roberto’s face.

Intense lines etched Roberto’s face.

Threatening lines etched Roberto’s face.

Incredible: astonishing, extraordinary; absurd, implausible, not believable

Hadley’s statement to the judge was incredible.

In context, we might expect Hadley’s statement to be implausible. However, it could also be an astonishing revelation. Appropriate details would show readers which of the two meanings is correct.

Hadley’s statement to the judge was so incredible absurd that everyone in the courtroom burst out laughing.

Hadley’s statement to the judge revealed an incredible astonishing fact: He was left-handed and couldn’t have committed the murder.

I occasionally watch a popular courtroom reality series. One of the judges says incredible — a lot — and although I know what she means (not believable), I wince whenever I hear it.

My suggestion: Rely on non-credible to indicate something that is absurd, implausible, or not believable.

[Note: since I wrote this post, the judge has shifted to other words. Did she read this post? Thanks, Judge, I enjoy your wit and perspective.]

Pretty: beautiful [adjective]; rather [adverb]

Jason looked at the pretty little girl.

Is the girl rather little, or is she a little girl who is pretty?

Jason gawked at the gorgeous young girl.

Jason gazed at the cute toddler.

Precision eliminates any opportunity for misunderstanding.

Jason arrived in a pretty yellow cape.

Besides the awkwardness of the wording, is the cape quite yellow, or is the yellow cape pretty?

Jason whirled into view, flourishing a banana-yellow cape.

Jason flounced through the door, wearing a yellow cape adorned with sequins.

The edited sentences evoke unambiguous images.

Right: right-hand or starboard direction; directly

Margarita and George turned right into the courtyard.

Did they turn in a right-hand direction, or directly into the courtyard?

Margarita and George turned right, into the courtyard.

The comma tells readers that Margarita and George turned toward the right.

Not the correct interpretation?

Margarita and George turned directly into the courtyard.

The edit leaves no uncertainty.

Secrete: to excrete; to hide

The giant monster secreted the stuff.

Although context might provide clarity, why not rely on words that won’t create confusion?

The giant monster excreted slimy mucus wherever it crawled.

The giant monster stole shiny baubles from nearby villages, scuttled into the forest, and hid its treasures in a cave.

Secretion or secrecy? Edits remove ambiguity.

Start: to flinch, jerk, jump; to begin

If Lorene started, the rope would break. She held her breath.

Unless the author has included appropriate details, readers might stall at this point.

If Lorene flinched, the frayed rope would break. She held her breath.

If Lorene stepped forward (began), the rope would break. She held her breath.

Edited versions explain the circumstances.

Tears: rips, slits [verb]; rips, slits [noun]; moisture produced by crying [noun]

Larry couldn’t control the tears.

If tears refers to crying, we must ensure that the circumstances are clear; otherwise this could refer to rips in clothing or maybe gashes in the panels of a hot-air balloon.

The tears came on suddenly.

Sorry, folks, these tears could still refer to crying or to rips. Let’s offer more details and perhaps segue into a couple of story ideas.

Larry tried to hold his emotions in check, but he couldn’t control the tears that rolled down his cheeks and into the ropes binding his chest.

Larry attempted to mend the tears in the sail, but the wind whipped it out of his hands.

No puzzled frowns from readers here.

This: so, to an indicated degree or extent [adverb]; referring to a nearby thing or situation [adjective]; an event, a person, or something that has just been mentioned [pronoun]

Alexis had never felt this …

Until readers reach the words following the ellipsis, this could be interpreted as an adverb, an adjective, or a pronoun.

Alexis had never felt this so embarrassed.

Alexis had never felt this such a sensation.

Alexis had never felt this love before.

Replacing this with the underlined words produces concise sentences.

While: although, even though, whereas; during the time; at the same time as (when, meanwhile)

While Nicole grasped the steering wheel with a white-knuckled grip …

Readers must absorb ten words before they can begin to understand what comes next.

Although Nicole grasped the steering wheel with a white-knuckled grip, the car spun out of control.

Nicole grasped the steering wheel with a white-knuckled grip. Meanwhile, Sharon dialed 911.

No risk of misinterpretation.

While some of the new hires worked diligently, others just gossiped and laughed.

Did some of the new hires work diligently even though others gossiped and laughed, or at the same time as others gossiped and laughed?

During coffee break, some of the new hires worked diligently. Others just gossiped and laughed.

Adding a specific time, during coffee break, helps clarify the sentence.

Wind: to enfold, wrap (around) [verb]; to meander, snake, zigzag [verb]; to tighten (as a spring) [verb]; an air current [noun]

Not only does wind cause problems in present tense, but also in past tense.

An invisible force wound around Janice’s legs.

This sentence is vague as written. Envision legs immobilized by invisible bonds.

An invisible force wrapped around Janice’s legs.

Or imagine the force traveling around her legs.

An invisible force zigzagged around Janice’s legs.

Sometimes wound is misinterpreted as a physical injury. Although it’s unlikely that people would confuse the verb wind with the noun wind and likewise with wound, it can (and does) happen.

What Can We Learn from These Examples?

An important lesson: Writers should let their WIP rest before final edits. Then, they should read each paragraph in isolation, once silently and again out loud, to identify areas that might confuse or distract readers.

See also: 9 Ways to Reduce Reader Confusion.