The Simplest Words Are Often the Toughest to Replace

Can you imagine devising alternatives for a, an, or the?

Fortunately, those words don’t stand out. Readers usually slip over them without a second thought.

However, but, like many words, isn’t invisible when it appears too often. Endless repetitions frustrate readers. Likewise with its most common replacement, however.

Imagine a Man and a Woman Resolving a Dispute

Ron leaned toward Edwina. “But you said you would —”

She pointed her finger at him. “But I changed my mind.”

They both stood, glaring at each other, but not budging an inch from their spots on the edge of the swimming pool. A voice floated over the fence, but it was too soft to decipher.

Ron yelled, “Who is it?”

But the voice remained silent.

Edwina propped her hands on her hips but kept glaring at Ron. “It’s probably your moth —”

“Not his mother,” replied the voice, “but I’ll give you three guesses. Then I’ll throw you both into the pool if you don’t kiss and make up.”

Seven appearances of but in seven paragraphs. Let’s consider an edited version:

Ron leaned toward Edwina. “You said you would —”

She pointed her finger at him. “But I changed my mind.”

They both stood, glaring at each other, and not budging an inch from their spots on the edge of the swimming pool. A voice floated over the fence — a voice too soft to decipher.

Ron yelled, “Who is it?”

The voice remained silent.

Edwina propped her hands on her hips, continuing to glare at Ron. “It’s probably your moth —”

“Not his mother,” replied the voice, “but I’ll give you three guesses. Then I’ll throw you both into the pool if you don’t kiss and make up.”

This example illustrates how instances of but can be reduced by deletion. Seven occurrences have been trimmed to two: in dialogue, where rules about repetition become less important. Even so, the conversation here comes across better with most of the repetitions removed.

Story prompt: Who does that voice belong to, and why are Ron and Edwina arguing?

What’s Happening to Arnold?

Arnold’s lips trembled. Nearly a century had crept by, but he would never forget the day he lost Anna. He tried to calm himself, but anxiety battered his thumping heart, which beat faster every moment. His lungs screamed for air, but nothing could get past the spasms in his throat.

He clutched his chest and reached for his cell phone but couldn’t force his fingers to cooperate. He slumped to the floor.

Arnold had always feared death, but as Anna’s face floated before his eyes, a wave of warmth and peace enveloped him. “Anna,” he said, “where have you been?”

Can we replace all instances of but?

Arnold’s lips trembled. Nearly a century had crept by. However, he would never forget the day he lost Anna. He tried to calm himself. Even so, anxiety battered his thumping heart, which beat faster every moment. His lungs screamed for air, yet nothing could get past the spasms in his throat.

He clutched his chest and reached for his cell phone, although he couldn’t force his fingers to cooperate. He slumped to the floor.

Arnold had always feared death. In spite of that, as Anna’s face floated before his eyes, a wave of warmth and peace enveloped him. “Anna,” he said, “where have you been?”

Did the edited version unsettle you because your brain wanted to think but every time you encountered a substitute? Teaching point: Direct replacements for but function best if limited.

Let’s try a combination edit that relies on both deletion and replacement:

Arnold’s lips trembled. Nearly a century had crept by, yet he would never forget the day he lost Anna. He tried to calm the anxiety battering his thumping heart, which beat faster every moment. His lungs screamed for air — air that couldn’t get past the spasms in his throat.

He clutched his chest. Reached for his cell phone with fingers that refused to cooperate. He slumped to the floor.

Arnold had always feared death. Why? A wave of warmth and peace enveloped him as Anna’s face floated before his eyes. “Anna,” he said, “where have you been?”

One direct replacement for but remains. Rewording removes the rest.

Sometimes But Is the Better Alternative

Analyze this statement from a man arguing with a buddy in a truck-stop café:

“He avows that he’s ‘very, very intelligent.’ That being said, his actions contradict his words.”

This snippet might suit a news commentator or a political scientist, but not a stereotypical trucker.

How about this instead?

“He says he’s ‘very, very intelligent,’ but actions speak louder than words.”

The long-winded but replacement is scratched, one verb is replaced, and a cliché is added.

Takeaway: Don’t slash every occurrence of any word. Analyze each instance.

Direct Replacements For But

Explore rewording before you consult this list. Then, if you opt for alternatives, choose with care. Modern fiction novelists might make different choices than period fiction writers would.

A
albeit, all the same, alternatively, although, anyhow, apart from that, aside from that, at any rate, at the other end of the scale, at the same time, at variance with that, au contraire

B to D
bar, barring, barring that, be that as it may, besides, brushing that aside, by contrast, contrariwise, conversely, despite that, discounting that, disregarding that

E and F
even if, even so, even supposing that, even with that, except, except that, excepting, excepting that, excluding that, for all that, forgetting that

H and I
having said that, howbeit, however, ignoring that, in any case, in any event, in consideration of that, in spite of that, in the face of that, inversely

J to N
just the same, leaving that behind, letting that pass, more to the point, nevertheless, nonetheless, not considering that, not taking that into consideration, notwithstanding

O
on the contrary, on the other hand, on the other side of the coin, other than that, overlooking that

P to S
passing over that, paying no attention to that, paying no heed to that, paying that no mind, per contra, regardless, save, skipping over that, still, still and all

T to Y
that being said, that said, then again, though, undeterred by that, vice versa, what’s more, whereas, with that said, with the exception of, without regard to, yet

Red-Pencil Time

Can you edit away all or most instances of but in the following exercises?

Exercise 1

Trevor stamped his feet. “But I don’t wanna go, Mummy. And you can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me.”

Brittney bit her lip, attempting to contain her anger, but she couldn’t prevent the sharpness that edged into her voice. “Yes, I can. You’ve already missed two days of school, but there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“But I’m hot and my stomach hurts and my throat is sore. … And … and … I can’t find my homework.”

“You mean the homework you didn’t do because you were too busy playing video games?”

He squeezed out a solitary tear.

But his mom didn’t fall for it. Trevor could produce tears better than any Hollywood actor. “Ten minutes. You be ready in ten minutes or you’re grounded for ten days. No video games. No TV. No dessert.”

Suggested solution

Trevor stamped his feet. “But I don’t wanna go, Mummy. And you can’t make me can’t make me can’t make me.”

Although Brittney bit her lip in an attempt to contain her anger, she couldn’t prevent the sharpness that edged into her voice. “Yes, I can. You’ve already missed two days of school, and there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“But I’m hot and my stomach hurts and my throat is sore. … And … and … I can’t find my homework.”

“You mean the homework you didn’t do because you were too busy playing video games?”

He squeezed out a solitary tear.

However, his mom didn’t fall for it. Trevor could produce tears better than any Hollywood actor. “Ten minutes. You be ready in ten minutes or you’re grounded for ten days. No video games. No TV. No dessert.”

Notes: For the sake of realism, Trevor’s dialogue is untouched. Brittney’s single but is replaced by and. Although and however also make guest appearances.

Exercise 2

Louis scanned the heads in the crowd. Everyone but Darlene had shown up for the party. He tried to ignore the disappointment in the pit of his stomach, but it gnawed at him so much that he pulled his phone from his pocket. He stared at the screen. If I call her, she’ll think I’m needy. But if I don’t call her, she’ll think I don’t care.

He tapped his FAVORITES button, but an incoming call interrupted him before he was able to bring up her number. Another unknown caller? That’s the third in less than ten minutes. But against his strict policy to ignore telemarketers and strangers, he answered.

A voice crackled in his ear. “Louis? Is that you? I’ve been trying to reach you, but your phone keeps going to voicemail.”

“Darlene! Where are you? And why isn’t your number showing up?”

“It’s a burner. But I can’t explain right now. Meet me at my place in ten minutes.”

“But —”

“Ten minutes.”

The line went dead.

Suggested solution

Louis scanned the heads in the crowd. Everyone except Darlene had shown up for the party. Despite his efforts to ignore the disappointment in the pit of his stomach, it gnawed at him so much that he pulled his phone from his pocket. He stared at the screen. If I call her, she’ll think I’m needy. But if I don’t call her, she’ll think I don’t care.

He tapped his FAVORITES button —

An incoming call interrupted him before he was able to bring up her number. Another unknown caller? That’s the third in less than ten minutes. Against his strict policy to ignore telemarketers and strangers, he answered.

A voice crackled in his ear. “Louis, is that you? I’ve been trying to reach you, but your phone keeps going to voicemail.”

“Darlene! Where are you? And why isn’t your number showing up?”

“It’s a burner. I can’t explain right now. Meet me at my place in ten minutes.”

“But —”

“Ten minutes.”

The line went dead.

Notes: Everyone but Darlene becomes everyone except Darlene. The second sentence is reworded to remove but. To preserve a feeling of reality, Louis’s internal monologue isn’t altered. An em dash and new paragraph show the interruption of his attempt to bring up Darlene’s number. But against is changed to against. Darlene’s first words are left as is, although to amp the pace, but is removed from her second bit of dialogue. Louis’s final but remains as well.