I, I, I
First-person narrative engages readers, who experience the world from your narrator’s perspective — including intimate thoughts and feelings. However, it’s easy to overplay constructions such as I did this and I thought that and I wanted something else.
Many people claim the I, I, I approach is permissible because I is an invisible word like said.
Don’t believe them.
Prose or poetry with an overabundance of the same words or structures will seem off. Readers might not be able to tell you what’s wrong, but they know they’re unsettled by something.
Consider the Following Two Story Snippets
Snippet 1
I answered the irresistible beckoning of the backyard. I watched brightly colored birds there frolicking in the breeze as they fluttered toward the creek. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun. I smelled the fragrance of the clover underneath my feet, a fragrance so sweet I could almost taste it. I heard fledgling robins twittering in a nearby tree.
I thought to myself, This is the life. I knew I never wanted to leave this place.
I decided to phone the real estate agent and tell her to take the FOR SALE sign off my lawn. She acted as though she had expected my call.
I told her in a firm voice that my mind was made up, and yes, I understood she would still receive her full commission.
I realized I didn’t care about the money.
Snippet 2
The backyard beckoned with its irresistible sights and sounds. Frolicking in the breeze, brightly colored birds fluttered toward the creek. The sun warmed my closed eyelids, and my nostrils were flooded by the sweet fragrance of clover underneath my feet, a fragrance so sweet it almost sugared the taste buds. In a nearby tree, fledgling robins twittered.
This is the life. Who in their right mind would ever leave this place?
The real estate agent acted as though she had expected my call when asked to take the FOR SALE sign off the lawn.
My voice was firm. “Yes, my mind is made up. … Understood. … You’ll still receive your full commission.”
Hah! Who cares about the money?
Beware Verbosity
Rewrites could result in bloat, and the wrong words could make you seem pretentious or long-winded.
The second snippet reduces, rather than increases, word count.
The first example would be even shorter with the removal of to myself. Who else would you think to? Your editor? Your cat? Or maybe your dictation software?
The Writer’s Lexicon series
and additional resources on my Facebook page.
Did You Notice the Changes?
Almost every sentence in the first example begins with I.
In the rewrite, note the removal of several filtering phrases:
I watched
I … felt
I smelled
I could … taste
I heard
I thought
I knew
I decided
I told
I understood
I realized
Whenever you filter thoughts and senses through your narrator’s eyes, you distance readers from your story — like a selfie of a selfie. Use the direct approach instead.
Passive voice appeared once to vary sentence structure. “I smelled the fragrance of the clover underneath my feet” became “my nostrils were flooded by the sweet fragrance of clover underneath my feet.”
A so-called rule of writing is not to use passive voice. However, you’ll find times such as this when it’s warranted.
The phrase could also have been written as “my nostrils flooded with the sweet fragrance of clover underneath my feet.”
Reread the examples. Compare again. You’ll notice subtle changes that make the text flow smoother.
A Partial List of Filter Words
Watch for these or their equivalents. They all have the potential to weaken your writing:
A to W
assume, be able to, believe, can, decide, experience, feel (or feel like), hear, know, look, note, notice, realize, remember, see, seem, sound (or sound like), taste, think, touch, watch, wonder
Change the Focus
Just because you’re writing in first person doesn’t mean you, the storyteller, should be the most important character in the piece.
If you concentrate on the activities of other characters, readers will feel as though they are you. They still know you’re the narrator, but you become invisible.
Try These I Alternatives
I agree: We are in agreement
I am convinced that: In my opinion
I am sure that: Correct me if my opinion is wrong
I believe: The experts say (or, in Dothraki, “It is known”)
I decided: It was my intention
I disagree: You are wrong
I dislike that: That’s not for me
I don’t know: That’s an excellent question
I feel: In light of the evidence
I have experience in: My experience includes
I interpret the results: The results indicate
I like: It’s one of my favorites
I was nearly hit by a car: A car nearly hit me
I’ll show you: The report will show you
I’m hungry: My stomach is growling
Beware the Me-My Snare
In an attempt to remove instances of I, you might introduce excessive repetition of me and my.
For instance, “I felt an irresistible urge to buy the shoes” could become “An irresistible urge to buy the shoes came over me.”
“I saw three chickadees sitting on the fence” could end up as “Three chickadees sitting on the fence came into my view.”
As shown by the strikeout, you can often omit my.
Rely on Your Ears
They’re excellent critics.
Read your text out loud or harness your computer’s text-to-speech capabilities and listen to your writing. Repetitions that hide from notice during a silent read often become obvious and irritating when processed by the ears.
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The Writer’s Lexicon series
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how can we replace i in this sentence
i had a dream to spend a beautiful day at an island
Sleep, peaceful sleep, filled the night, interrupted only by the dream of an idyllic day on a tiny island.
🙂
thank you
Hello Kathy,
Me again. Since reading your article, I have made a greater conscious effort in avoiding the use of “I” in my first-person stories. However, in doing so, I’m noticing I am starting to use “-ing” words to begin sentences more often, and I understand that’s something to use sparingly in fiction writing.
I may be over-analysing my works (that’s a bad habit of mine), but if using “I” in a sentence, whether it’s beginning a sentence or in the middle of it, creates a clearer structured sentence when compared to using a “-ing” word, would you say it’s okay to use “I”, or to try and figure out another way of structuring the sentence to avoid either?
On a side note, sometimes when I do avoid both, the sentence gets written in passive voice, as that seems to be the only way to structure it, while keeping it clear and precise. For example, a sentence within a story of mine read:
“Rather than wasting time on breakfast, I can use it for more important things, such as training.”
After re-editing it, it became:
“Rather than wasting time on breakfast, it can be used for more important things, such as training.”
I’m really just trying to determine out of “I”, “-ing”, or passive voice, which is the best to use. Apologies if this is unclear. Sometimes that’s my thought process for you. There’s logic in there, but you’ve gotta dig past all the dribble to find it.
Kind regards,
Footrot Flats
Phrases such as the following can help eliminate some instances of “I”:
– experience has shown
– statistics indicate
– events suggest
– circumstances often require
Regarding your sentence: “Rather than wasting time on breakfast, it can be used for more important things, such as training.”
Try something like: “[Whatever ‘it’ is] can focus on activities, such as training, which are more important than breakfast.”
Remember: The goal is not to eliminate words but to eliminate their overuse.
Stay safe!
Thank you for the response, Kathy!
I’ll keep those phrases in mind and see if they can be used anywhere that fits. Thank you for the suggestion as well.
I understand it’s okay to use “I”, just not too often, which is what I’m trying to do, but also figuring out how often “I” is fine to use. Finding that ‘Goldilocks Zone’ is my next challenge. If it’s used once every few paragraphs, it doesn’t stick out at me, but if I see two (or more) I’s in the same field of view, that’s when I tend to change it.
I may or may not pop up again sometime in the future. If I don’t, your article and advise has helped me immensely, so thank you for the time and effort you have put in. It’s much appreciated.
All the best, and stay safe too!
Footrot Flats
When writing stories, I’ve always tried avoiding the usage of I’s (same goes for adverbs). 95% of the time, there’s an alternative way of describing a scene, whether it’s action, thoughts or dialogue, but something, every now and then, there just doesn’t seem to be a way to avoid using I (or an adverb).
Like adverbs, would you say it’s okay to use ‘I’ sparingly?
In some cases, the word ‘I’ gets replaced with an adverb, and then I enter a never-ending cycle.
Your approach is astute, FF.
Words exist for a reason, including adverbs and I. The goal is not to eliminate them but to reduce their frequency and make them “invisible” to readers. That turns them into useful tools.
Good luck with your writing, and please stay safe! (Exclamation points, em dashes, and parentheses are more useful tools — when used sparingly. 🙂 )
Thank you for the reply Kathy.
I agree that making them “invisible” rather than eliminating them completely is the better approach. Everything would provide a greater impact when used sparingly.
All the best, and stay safe too.
Footrot Flats
Hello Kathy,
the article above really helped me but i am still just a little confused. . . .
would it be alright if you could un-I-ify my story. i haven’t written much and i probably wont be using it, but just to get a rough idea on how i could do it.
I was sitting on the train minding my own business and reading a book, when I casually looked out the window. It was pretty dark and rainy, but I could still see the blurry silhouette of the woods turning into a dim lighted village. As I was about to turn away, I started to sweat and felt a pounding in my head. My heart felt as if I had just run a marathon 3 times and I could hear my blood rushing through my ears. My hands shook and my breathing turned uneven. My vision went all blurry. I had to get away. I did not want to be on a train while having a panic attack. I stood up and hit my knee on the table but I ignored the pain. I grabbed my book and backpack and yelled for assistance. An assistant quickly rushed over and asked if I needed anything. I told her to stop the train.
“But ma’am, we don’t have a station here, we can’t stop here-”
“Just stop the train. NOW! Please!” I cut her off.
“Ma’am, are you feeling ok? You should probably sit down.” She offers.
“STOP THE TRAIN! NOW!” I shout.
She nodded to me and swiveled around and quickly rushed to the front of the train. My mouth started to feel dry and I could feel tears coming starting to form at the corners of my eyes. By this time I was shaking. I turned to the nearest compartment and grabbed the glass of water on the table. I took one big sip and looked up at the young bloke who was sitting there. My mouth felt a bit better knowing it was hydrated and I could say my words without them sounding raspy.
“I am so sorry. I really needed that drink.” I grabbed my backpack and took out £2 and put it down on the table.
“I’m really sorry about the drink, I know you paid for that so here’s the money. I know it was 3 pound but this is all I can find right now.” I blurted out. I could feel the train slowing down and felt nauseous. I sat down in the young blokes compartment seat and looked down. I could feel the guy’s eyes staring at the top of my head which made me feel uncomfortable.
sorry if thats too much.
thank you 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, Astoria.
I’ve retired from editing, but you can join online critique groups free of charge.
Scribophile and Critique Circle are two popular sites.
Good luck with your writing, and stay safe!
Undertaking a short story/flash fiction assignment for Open University.
Word count is up to 800 words.
The premise is in hand, and I’ve done a plan.
Really want to do it in First POV, though I know third is easy to fall back on.
Your advice is brilliant, I am just so nervous of the structure and grammar.
I don’t envision that creative writing is for me, as the strain of English Lit etc scares me.
You can do this, Louise. I hope you’ll be able to use some of the advice in this post.
Good luck, and stay safe!
This is so frustrating, As I edit my work I can’t think of anything to replace my ‘I’ overuse!!!
Think less of how you control the action and more about how the action happens, period. The suggestions in this article will help.
Thanks for stopping by, Max!
Great article. Chuck Palahnuik is an expert at submerging the ‘I’, and I’m constantly perplexed about how to avoid the pitfalls you mentioned when following his advice. This has helped a great deal.
Thanks, Tom. May your muse be ever with you — and stay safe.
I get it, I just don’t know how to repair the problem. Online English class?
Hi, Sandy.
There’s no magic one-size-fits-all approach. You have to examine each occurrence to determine a suitable remedy. This requires time and effort; but as you edit, you become more proficient at creating solutions.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hello Kathy,
Can you please give me some examples of books written in first person, without the overuse of ‘I’?
My 13 year old daughter is in an Academic Excellence class and has had her eyes opened and mind blown buy how removing the ‘I’s, it makes you live the story.
She has Aspergers and dyslexia and has always loved writing, it is her get away.
We would be truly grateful for some guidance.
Warmest wishes
Michelle
Australia
Hi, Michelle. Thanks for stopping by.
The books that stand out in my mind are To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, all The Hunger Games books by Suzanne Collins, and Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. They should keep your daughter busy for a while.
Stay safe!
Thank you very much Kathy. I am truly grateful.
May you too keep safe.
Warmest wishes
Michelle
Thank you so much. I always put I’s in my stories and it bothered me because ‘I’ use it repeatedly. That’s when ‘I’ started to notice it also want to thank you for the alternatives to making my story look as if a professional wrote it. Well I’m no professional but hopefully one day. 4 years later and came across this website. Thank you btw.
(PS I was embarrassed now because I used my I’s a lot in this comment lolz so I had to fix it to make it right ) Anyways I’m forever grateful and have a good year in 2020!
Thanks for stopping by, Nora. Yes, those Is can be slippery little creatures. You’ve made the most important step by recognizing the problem.
You have a great 2020 too, and may the muses favor your writing!
Excellent, as per usual. 🙂
Thanks, Jenn!
Another excellent post, Kathy. This is exactly what I was looking for. As an added bonus, I now know what filter words are. Time for another edit on my latest WIP. (Heck – I’ve just noticed two I’s in the above comment. Oh no, there’s another two!)
Thanks, Tom. I laughed out loud as I was reading your reply.
Next week I’ll be posting an open letter to book pirates. Arrgh! Three I‘s.
Let’s see …
As my eyes scrutinized your reply, a humongous LOL burst from my lips. Next week’s blog post will feature an open letter to book pirates.
Doesn’t have the same snap, does it?