Are You Excited by Your Writing?

Mark Twain once said “I am dead to adverbs; they cannot excite me.” If your writing shouts lackluster, an overabundance of adverbs might be the problem.

Consider the definition of adverb: any word or phrase that modifies a verb, adjective, or adverb.

Search your WIP for all words ending in -ly. Most will be adverbs. Although –ly words aren’t the only culprits, replacing them when possible tightens your writing.

The following guidelines will help.

Guideline #1: Choose Stronger Verbs

Which of the following sentences do you prefer?

Harold moved softly toward the door.

Harold walked softly toward the door.

Harold tiptoed toward the door.

A strong verb in the third example removes the necessity for an -ly adverb, thereby decreasing word count and painting a better scene in readers’ minds.

Evaluate the following phrases and their suggested replacements.

Strong Verbs: A to R

appear gradually: emerge, fade in, materialize

ascend quickly: skyrocket, soar, spring

ask sleepily: mumble, murmur, mutter

break violently: burst, explode, rupture

breathe heavily: gasp, pant, wheeze

burn brightly: blaze, flare, glare

change slightly: acclimate, adapt, adjust

check continuously: monitor, surveil, watch

chew continuously: chomp, gnaw, munch

close loudly: bang, slam

collide violently: crash, plow into, slam into

destroy utterly: annihilate, decimate, extirpate, obliterate

drink greedily: devour, guzzle, swill

eat hurriedly: bolt, gobble, inhale

enfold clumsily: clinch, grope, manhandle

examine closely: analyze, inspect, scrutinize

fall suddenly: plummet, plunge, nosedive

flicker intermittently: fluctuate, gutter, twinkle

flow rapidly: gush, spout, surge

flow slowly: dribble, drip, seep, trickle

follow carefully: shadow, track, trail

grab clumsily: fumble, grope, scrabble

hold gently: cradle, cuddle, cushion

hush obstinately: choke, clam up, stifle

investigate fully: analyze, reconnoiter, scrutinize

knock noisily: beat, hammer, pound

laugh hugely: bellow, guffaw, roar

look curiously: contemplate, examine, study

look nearsightedly: peer, squinch, squint

look quietly: glance, peek, regard

look steadfastly: gaze, goggle, stare

miss frightfully: ache for, pine for, yearn for

move cautiously: prowl, pussyfoot, slink

move convulsively: convulse, judder, spasm

move quickly: catapult, gallop, hurtle

move slightly: edge, stir, twitch

nod gloomily: droop, shrug, slouch

object strongly: condemn, oppose, protest

poke experimentally: examine, probe, prod

react grimly: caution, forewarn, lour

react irritably: glower, grumble, threaten

repair temporarily: improvise, jury-rig, make do

retreat hastily: abscond, escape, flee

rub vigorously: burnish, scour, scrub

run quickly: dart, race, sprint

Strong Verbs: S to W

sink ponderously: collapse, drop, plunge

smell potently: pong, reek, stink

smile foolishly: simper, smirk, snicker

smile pleasantly: beam, glow, grin

speak abruptly: retort, snap, snarl

speak bitterly: complain, grouse, grumble

speak excitedly: exclaim, rant, vociferate

speak feebly: snivel, whimper, whine

speak grumpily: complain, grumble, grump

speak hesitantly: dither, hedge, vacillate

speak loudly: bellow, roar, thunder

speak meditatively: posit, postulate, theorize

speak quietly: mumble, murmur, whisper

speak suddenly: blurt, interject, interrupt

spit disgustedly: deride, gob, hawk

stand solemnly: brood, meditate; mourn

step gingerly: creep, pad, tiptoe

strike violently: assault, clobber, punch

suggest eagerly: advocate, insist, urge

take seriously: accept, acknowledge, believe

talk longwindedly: blather, drone, prattle

tap nervously: drum, fidget, wriggle

throb painfully: ache, pound, twinge

touch gingerly: brush, pat, tap

tread heavily: slog, tramp, trudge

trip repeatedly: stagger, stumble, totter

try desperately: labor, strive, struggle

wade energetically: slosh, splash, sploosh

walk gracefully: glide, float, slink

walk painfully: hobble, limp, lurch

walk slowly: amble, saunter, stroll

walk softly: creep, sneak, tiptoe

walk tiredly: clod, lumber, plod

want badly: covet, crave, need

watch helplessly: cringe, despair, flounder

wind slowly: meander, snake, twist

Guideline #2: Analyze Adverbs of Degree

In many cases, instead of replacing one of these phrases, you could omit the adverb.

abnormally grumpy: cantankerous, churlish, crabby

absolutely afraid: horrified, petrified, terrified

absolutely outstanding: exceptional, stupendous, superior

amazingly fierce: ferocious, savage, vicious

appallingly bad: abysmal, appalling, terrible

astonishingly harsh: abrasive, caustic, rough

awesomely powerful: almighty, invincible, omnipotent

awfully dirty: filthy, grimy, soiled

brightly clad: gaudy, ostentatious, showy

cautiously optimistic: encouraged, hopeful, upbeat

considerably large: huge, humongous, massive

deeply channeled: furrowed, grooved, rutted

deliberately inappropriate: facetious, flippant, sardonic

desperately cold: freezing, icy, wintry

distressingly hungry: famished, ravenous, starving

dreadfully tired: drained, exhausted, spent

enormously creepy: frightening, macabre, sinister

especially charming: captivating, endearing, prepossessing

exceedingly happy: delighted, ecstatic, thrilled

exceptionally good: fantastic, outstanding, superb

excessively small: diminutive, miniscule, tiny

extraordinarily eager: ardent, impatient, keen

extremely glossy: brilliant, dazzling, glaring

extremely important: crucial, imperative, vital

genuinely funny: hilarious, sidesplitting, uproarious

ghastly pale: ashen, pallid, wan

hopelessly dependent: helpless, incapable, vulnerable

horribly frightened: horrified, petrified, terrified

incredibly old: ancient, hoary, timeworn

indescribably unpleasant: hideous, repulsive, revolting

intensely preoccupied: absorbed, engrossed, fascinated

markedly doubtful: cynical, skeptical, unconvinced

noticeably depressed: gloomy, glum, melancholy

overly brazen: arrogant, brash, insolent

overpoweringly noisy: deafening, roaring, thunderous

overwhelmingly tasty: delectable, delicious, scrumptious

particularly calm: placid, serene, tranquil

pleasantly melodic: dulcet, musical, tuneful

profoundly dark: black, stygian, unlit

really hot: blistering, boiling, torrid

remarkably careful: cautious, vigilant, wary

richly carved: elaborate, ornate, sculpted

seriously wrong: calamitous, dire, disastrous

severely cruel: brutal, inhumane, savage

slightly wet: clammy, damp, moist

strikingly beautiful: gorgeous, striking, stunning

strongly resistant: defiant, obstinate, uncooperative

superbly gifted: accomplished, adept, talented

terribly anxious: apprehensive, overwrought, perturbed

totally amazing: astonishing, astounding, mind-boggling

tremendously courageous: bold, fearless, undaunted

truly ugly: hideous, repulsive, revolting

unbelievably healthy: hardy, robust, vigorous

universally accepted: familiar, known, recognized

unusually awkward: clumsy, inept, uncoordinated

utterly ashamed: disgraced, humiliated, mortified

Guideline #3: Remove Redundant Adverbs That Modify Adjectives

Many modified adjectives fly better solo. If a comment is negative, do you need to describe it as purely negative? Analyze every adverb-adjective pair. Many adjectives are absolute and should never be modified.

Here are a few phrases to get you started.

absolutely catastrophic: catastrophic

absolutely stunned: stunned

absolutely critical: critical

absolutely defeated: defeated

apparently uninjured: uninjured

badly broken: broken

completely blank: blank

completely harmless: harmless

completely poisoned: poisoned

directly ahead: ahead

entirely unmarked: unmarked

exactly sure: sure

fully charged: charged

particularly acute: acute

perfectly balanced: balanced

perfectly right: right

perfectly willing: willing

purely negative: negative

seriously alarmed: alarmed

thoroughly honest: honest

totally absorbent: absorbent

totally insane: insane

totally unexpected: unexpected

utterly desolate: desolate

utterly devastated: devastated

utterly foolish: foolish

utterly motionless: motionless

visibly distressed: distressed

Guideline #4: Remove Redundant Adverbs That Modify Verbs

Review the following phrases. If you check the definitions of the verbs, you’ll see why the modifying adverbs are superfluous.

caress lovingly: caress

chastise severely: chastise

crush forcefully: crush

dwindle gradually: dwindle

jab roughly: jab

lap softly: lap

pad noiselessly: pad

plummet rapidly: plummet

relish greatly: relish

slurp noisily: slurp

smack sharply: smack

suddenly notice: notice

… and so on. Whenever you see an adverb-verb combination, proceed with caution.

Guideline #5: Beware: Some –ly Words Are Adjectives

If an -ly word modifies a noun or a pronoun, it’s an adjective:

The teenager’s voice was crackly.
The teenager had a crackly voice.

The blow he delivered was deadly.
He delivered a deadly blow.

Her personality seemed friendly.
She seemed to have a friendly personality.

His scent was manly.
He had a manly scent.

The bumps covering his arms looked ungainly.
Ungainly bumps covered his arms.

Guideline #6: Delete Suddenly

The suddenly trap snares many writers. Ditto for abruptly, unexpectedly, precipitously, etc.

For instance:

Wanda moved into the backyard. Suddenly she heard a loud noise behind her. She turned toward it.

Study this edited version:

Wanda crept into the backyard. A growl rumbled behind her. She whipped around.

Note the subtle changes and strong verbs in the second passage. With four fewer words, including deletion of suddenly, we see a more vivid picture.

If you require sudden action, and you’ve already repeated suddenly too often, investigate alternatives such as:

• all at once
• all of a sudden
• at once
• at that moment
• forthwith
• from nowhere
• in a flash
• in an instant
• just then
• straightaway
• with precipitous speed
• without delay
• without hesitation
• without notice
• without warning

Ready to Exercise Your Adverb Acumen?

Remove all -ly adverbs in the following:

Exercise 1

The softly burbling stream wound slowly through the forest, gently lapping at brightly glistening rocks. Kelly waded carefully into the water and sighed contentedly.

Suggested solution

The burbling stream meandered through the forest, lapping at glistening rocks. Kelly slipped into the water. “Ahhhhh,” she murmured.

Notes: Strong verbs tighten the narrative. There is no need to modify glistening. Dialogue shows Kelly’s contented sigh.

Exercise 2

Anxiously, I walked over the slowly swaying footbridge, desperately wrestling with the horribly overpowering nausea that suddenly threatened my hopelessly knotted stomach. My poorly secured backpack flopped rudely with every nervously placed step. My exhalations wheezed inexorably, filling the mysteriously dark air with rapidly swirling spirals of steam.

Soon, an icily cold blanket of clamminess enveloped me in its wildly tight embrace. Twisting tendrils — writhingly probing through the malodorous ether — enfolded me even more tightly and tenaciously than the grotesquely intimate caress of the dampness. They pushed on my chest, hungrily, insistently, forcefully …

I awoke and felt about blindly for my asthma inhaler.

Suggested solution

I tiptoed over the swaying footbridge as I wrestled overwhelming nausea, my backpack flopping with every movement. My anxious wheezing filled the dark air with swirling steam spirals. An icy blanket of clamminess enveloped me in its tight embrace. Twisting tendrils writhed through the malodorous ether and enfolded me in their tenacious grip. They crushed my chest …

I awoke and groped for my asthma inhaler.

Notes: Most sources discourage opening with a dream, although this snippet could work if presented as part of an ongoing medical condition. Strong verbs and adjectives eliminate the necessity for adverbs. There’s no need to describe the backpack as poorly secured; its flopping shows that. Soon, like suddenly, can often be eliminated.

More About Adverbs of Degree

Rather than strengthen narrative, qualifiers such as the following often weaken it. Note the lack of –ly suffixes:

• almost
• enough
• just
• most
• much
• quite
• rather
• somewhat
• too
• very

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